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Thursday, September 29, 2011

HIS COY TOY (a modern-day take on Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress.")
















I'm not interested in the official version
of anything
all sanitized and polite
but lacking any kind of soul
and Nietzsche was right
about one thing
you've spent your whole life
trying to keep your base instincts under control
that's not the way I want to roll
anymore
we'll order moon under glass
a little pinch on the ass
and we're on our way
if there's an inner skank
that's present here
I'll thank
you to acknowledge it
over a beer

Oh
would that we could contain our drool
until the third date
then at the crack of the starter's pistol
we'd burst out of the gate
no need to wait
any longer
the requisite number of days having amassed
so you'd feel that you hadn't been cast
in the role of the slut
but that's all a game
such fear of shame
we carry

there's no time to tarry

I know what you're going to say
but hush your mouth
I'm a nomad from the frozen north
poised to explore
your deep south
and yes I've read the official version
that you're not a tart
but I know your heart
wasn't in it
and time is passing by
it's all over in the wink of an eye
would you rather say in the end
you hoarded that
which you had every right to spend?




22 comments:

  1. good question, deep thoughts- I agree

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  2. yesterday I typed up this witty response.
    then blogger didnt let me comment.
    this one is fun and fascinating...

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  3. DULCE,
    Glad you agree...now, shall we proceed?

    EVELYN,
    Don't worry--just being there is enough...

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  4. Oh you rascal..... a whole new take on carpe diem and so completely persuasive! You should post this for dverse open link night as well-- it's very good, very witty. sorry it took me awhile-- too many things cooking on the stove...xxxxj

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  5. Here I am reading your poetry when I do not have to read 18 poems, because I have not posted in a group for two weeks. So, I still like your poetry, which always give me a chuckle. Hugs, pat

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  6. JEN,
    Thanks...I will submit it on Tuesday !

    PAT,
    Always great to hear from you! Personally, I don't like quotas, it can make reading poetry seem like drudgery, and that's not the way it should be--so I don't submit for that particular deal--anyway, many more places and ways to get your stuff out there!

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  7. Hi Timoteo

    A very interesting verse.. and some how I feel that you have all the right to write this ... straight from the heart..

    I enjoyed reading your lines...
    'you've spent your whole life
    trying to keep your base instincts under control'
    As Nietzsche says...
    "Do I counsel you to chastity? Chastity is a virtue with some, but with many it is almost a vice."

    I did a feature on Nietzsche's book "Thus Spoke Zarathustra... if you like, read it here...
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/09/feature-thus-spoke-zarathustra.html

    Thanks for sharing your wonderful words at Poetry Picnic WK 7.

    Shashi
    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/10/whispers-love-and-loss-butterfly.html
    At twitter @VerseEveryDay

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  8. I know nothing of the original work you mention, but I love this poem! Absolutely brilliant flow to it, and the story is priceless and very well told. Excellent!

    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/two-yearning-heart/

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  9. honest and beautiful.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  10. I love your line hush your mouth I am a nomad from the frozen north happy picnic please keep exploring your poetry is wonderful
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/03/memories-and-photographs-of-you/

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  11. very nice and nice ref to nietzche as well...you give us much to think on my friend....

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  12. haha a little pinch on the ass, beware of the slap

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  13. "we'll order moon under glass." Oh, I love that. : )

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  14. Nietzsche Nietzsche Nietzsche...I suppose even he has to get one right!

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  15. Other than the floors of Olde England shaking from Marvell turning over in his grave, what's not to like about this? I am in total agreement about the whole thing, and several lines are just exquisite, if you are man enough to take a word like that. Good stuff,Timo.

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  16. I don't like official version of anything! What a wonderful write!

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  17. Bring on the beer googles and lets be free! Judgement be damned...Sorry, might be this is speaking to the "wrong side of me" ;) Love the form, the flow, and the message the way I received it. My apologies if I missed the mark...but if it feel's good....

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  18. Didn't have time to read Marvell's piece, but yours is delightful and very upfront..... inner skank? chuckles.......

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  19. As you seem to say in your last line, if -- indeed -- a woman now is acknowledged to own her own body, she has every right to do with it as she likes. You make an amusing case for her to disport herself with you. Is this a line that actually works these days?

    Yet I still like Marvell's "fear of aging" line of reasoning, too (let us not let youth be wasted upon the young whilst we still ARE young:

    Now therefore, while the youthful hue
    Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
    And while thy willing soul transpires
    At every pore with instant fires,
    Now let us sport us while we may

    But your lines are fun, too, especially

    I'm a nomad from the frozen north
    poised to explore
    your deep south

    Deep south! LOL Never heard it called that before. Y'all come back now, ya heah?!?

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  20. SHASHI.
    Thanks so much. Yes, I'm coming to check that out.

    KAY, MARBLES, MORNING, ANN, BRIAN, PAT HATT, THINGY, CIANPHLAN:
    Thanks for your lovely comments. I do feel that one might appreciate the satire of my poem better if they googled Andrew Marvell's poem and read it first!

    HEDGEWITCH,
    Wow...where did you say you lived?

    AYALA, GUATAMI, JOHNALLENRICHTER:
    Thanks, kids!

    NATASHA,
    I like the "wrong" side of you! ;)

    CHARLES ELLIOTT,
    Great stuff! And thanks for providing a few lines of the original for those who are may be unfamiliar with it.

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