NOTE: Today's offering is an encore presentation first published in 2012. I've updated it to reflect the current year, but otherwise it is as originally published--perhaps more relevant to today's times than it was back then.
and the year was two thousand and twenty.
and all of the folks down at the auction house
were going about their daily bid-ness
when there came a thundering boom
and a boomerous thunder
and the skies opened up
and a chorus of angels sang out
and all began to wonder
as the cry rang into the night:
why, them damn Mayans were right!
cuz it's closin' time
here at the world
last call for alcohol
at the weary old world
the preachers were atop their street corner
soap boxes
railing fire and brimstone
'cept for that crazy one
who kept predicting the end
on one date and then another
was doing an Irish jig on a table top
cackling: I told ya--suckhas!
Let the animals loose!
a man began to shout--
let 'em run for higher ground
and we'll be right on their tails.
(but people move like snails.)
and I saw Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes
wailin' the ol' Gut Bucket Blues
as she took another swig of booze
knowing she had nothing to lose
as she said, "C'mon boys--line up over here and take a number!"
and people were making love
in the street--
yeah, they were squirmin' like a toad
to the boombox strains of
Why Don't We Do It In The Road.
cuz it's closin' time
here at the world
almost closin' time
at the weary ol' world.
so strained under the weight
of inflated egos
and institutionalized hate.
and the churches opened their doors to all,
and didn't stop to check
if you were straight or gay--
to the sudden epiphany
that all of us can pray.
And mom and pop
said to the kids
go ahead and open
your presents--
it's now or never
forever and ever.
and Santa at the mall
bolted upright
with a "git this BRAT offa me"
as he headed for the bar
and ran into another car.
and Dick Cheney,
scrambling for a place to hunker,
remembered he still had the key
to that underground bunker.
and people were jumping
from the top of Jeff Bridges
as confusion rained
on The Supremes.
and old Betty Conklin
recalled how she used
all that aerosol spray
and she never recycled
not even for a day...
and old Jeb Mcgurk
spat the juice from his chaw
as he cried: hallelujah--here I
come ma and paw!
and Paris Hilton
from her mansion of riches
took out her ipad and tweeted:
so long, bitches!
and as the animals headed for the hills
('cept the ones in Kansas--
they just ran in circles)
the roaches were throwing
a giant block party
with hijacked scones and coffee
cuz it's closin' time
closin' time at the weary old world
no more time to be clever...
time to roll up the sidewalks
and stash them away
