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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

COOL



Sittin' out on the veranda
soakin' up some sun
just me an' mah cat
on a cot
on a day with barely a breeze
to bristle our whiskers
lettin' the world go by
me lookin' at him
him lookin' at me
both of us thinkin'
we be two
of da coolest cats around

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

WHISPERS





















This early spring has taken me unawares,
a sudden burst of warmth that's disconcerting
to one who's grown accustomed to the cold--
bringing back a sound, a scent,
a sadness I can't explain.

Memories of halting conversations...
a sense of time slipping through my fingers,
and the feeling that there should have been more.

And I believe that I could go either way--
be a particle or a wave,
as this warm breeze whispers "sway."

This exquisite pain,
dormant for too many seasons,
now blooms fragrant and insistent--
trumpeting its arrival
with dopey daffodil dreams.

This ephemeral ecstasy,
that bleeds into agony,
that leads to animosity,
for which there is no remedy...but time.

And your sudden burst of warmth is disconcerting
to one who's grown accustomed to the cold,
and I believe I could go either way--
be your one night stand or shadow you
through one lifetime and the next.
Just tell me what the HELL you want,
for I've chosen the wrong door too many times--
got eaten by the tiger and shat out the other end...
now I must learn how to bend.

And this accursed early spring
brings the spectre of another day,
when love turned on the moment
in a warm wind that whispered "sway."




Tuesday, February 17, 2015

SERIOUSLY THINKING



While in search of
an emergency men's room
in the park
I passed a crow
just standing in the grass
paying no real attention
to me as I came within
a few (crow's) feet of him
and I thought for the first time
that it might not be so bad to 
come back as a crow
ya know
or maybe a starling
darling
just hangin' out in the park
scavenging for crumbs or popcorn
people drop
to supplement my usual
grasshoppers, grubs, and worms
and the occasional roadkill delicacy
my motto would be
Keep Calm And Carrion
I mean what's so great about being human 
anyway
as a lot of us really aren't anymore
and I wouldn't have to go to school
(that's why I wouldn't want to be a fish)
wouldn't sing no sad songs
'bout some fickle chick
who flew the coop
cuz we would mate for life
wouldn't have a buncha mouths to feed
for 18 years
cuz when they get their wings
they gonna fly
(bye)
yeah it might not be so bad
hangin round the supermarket
parking lot and givin y'all the evil eye
and I
wouldn't worry 'bout shit
but you would
as I glide indigo through the sky
like a stealth bomber
silent but deadly
ready
to drop its payload
right on toppa yo wittle head

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

DOMINO DANCING


Come dance with me
and we shall be
like dominoes
connecting the dots
to make a pretty picture

No ordinary gal
a femme fatale
raising eyebrows
across the west
(get here...we'll do the rest)
you'll be my Charlotte Gainsbourg
I'll be your Lars Von Trier
directing you to new heights
of abasement
and though you're not Victoria
you'll be my dirty little secret
and sign my binding resolution
with you hands behind your back

I know we can get it started
but can we keep it going
no matter which way
the wind is blowing
imagination is the key
you may have a better one than me
of this we shall see
and come that day
you dance with me
we'll do it vertically
and horizontally
scoring
when we connect
end to end
(hey, that's how the game is played)

So tumble for me
and I'll tumble for you
as dominoes
forever falling
toppling
into one another
merging
and
melting
black and white
dissolving 
into fifty shades of grey

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

CLOSE TO THE VEST



When I turn back around
I catch you staring at me
like you're trying to see
right through me
like there's something
you're looking for
that I'm not showing
but damned if I know
what that would be

 trust me
there is nothing

so move along please
nothing to see here

nothing to see at all

Thursday, January 1, 2015

CONJURING A GHOST--THIRTY MINUTES TILL THE NEW YEAR


I was flipping around
and landed on one of the Spanish channels
and suddenly thought of you
and wondered what you'd be doing
about now
and wondering how your life turned out
minus me

I didn't really know who you were
when you left that message
at the station
you wanted to meet me
that was how you operated
call and schedule an audience

I didn't know your songs
were on the radio
or that you would sing
your national anthem
the night George Foreman fought 
that Puerto Rican kid 
for the title in Tokyo

 I came over to your place
( cuz took requests whenever possible)
and you made your grand entrance

I knew you were disappointed
cuz I didn't dress up
and acted disinterested
you drove me to the hotel
and I knew I had some balls
just asking you to do it

Your roommate became the intermediary after that
and she said well, you are who you are
and she likes to go to the fancy clubs
and she's wondering
would you really be comfortable with that?

The last time I saw you was at the beach
you came up and gave me a hug
and I went on
with my stinkin' life

You married one of your own
naturally
with little ones and that whole trip
and hell
don't know why
guess it's just that it's 30 minutes
till the new year
and those bikini waxed babes are
shakin' and grinding their asses up on the screen
would Dick Clark approve? 
(oh well, he's dead)
I used to think that was something
but now it just grosses me out
we both came from a time and a place
when women had more class
and a lot more grace

I checked you out on YouTube
and yes you're still a beauty
though age begins to take its toll
and the glitter wears off
and so I'm wondering
did your fame bring you happiness
you know cuz
it all ends up in the same place
in the end
and maybe you're thinking it too
sitting here
30 minutes till the new year
recalling that old Peggy Lee song
Is That All There Is?

Monday, December 29, 2014

THE INTERVIEW (2014)

Rated: R                      withrealtoads.blogspot.com

STARS: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Randall Park, Lizzy Caplan

DIRECTOR: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen
GENRE: Action-Comedy


It's ten minutes past the scheduled show time, and the screen is still dark. A theater employee walks down the aisle to make an announcement. Sorry, folks...we're having a little problem...we have to restart the projector...I DON'T THINK IT'S A HACK...thanks for your patience.  Such is the movie going experience in the days of free speech in America under attack from piss-ant dictatorships across the sea. (Just when we had our hands full with home-grown assaults under the guise of political correctness.) 


The film started shortly thereafter, with Seth Rogen and co-director Evan Goldberg--in a tacked on segment at the beginning--saying "If you are watching this, then you're a g-damned phucking American hero!" 


I can't remember when I've felt so patriotic.


I'd heard that The Interview had opened to mixed reviews on Christmas day, but I gotta tell ya I was pleasantly surprised at how good and wickedly funny this movie is! 


Dave Skylark (Franco) and Aaron Rapoport (Rogen) host a cable TV show called Skylark Tonight . It happens that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un, whose job title is Supreme Leader Who Doesn't Pee Or Poo, is a fan of the show. (We know that the real Kim is an avid film buff and consumer of American movies, so thus far the plot isn't too far-fetched).  Dave and Aaron get invited to Pyongyang to conduct and interview with Kim, which is supposed to be a soft ball affair where he gets a chance to plead his case to the west. (Dennis Rodman set the precedent here, so again, not terribly far-fetched.) Kim's not a bad guy at all (despite the labor camps, malnourished citizenry, and total suppression of human rights.) 


When a sexy CiA agent (Lizzy Caplan) learns of the upcoming trip, she sees an opportunity to get rid of one of the world's most ruthless strongmen. She convinces the boys that it's their duty to take him out, which is to be accomplished by way of a poison to be administered through a handshake.  


From here on, everything in The Interview IS far-fetched, and so raunchy and over-the-top hilarious that I suddenly envisioned the president and Michelle viewing it (which they're bound to do, just so they really know what all the fuss is about), and hoping they didn't make the mistake of allowing the girls to see it!


Randall Park can't quite nail down the physical presence of Kim--he doesn't have that baby-faced manchild look of the real guy--but beyond that he gives a winning performance as a Jekyll and Hyde manipulator who charms the pants off our heroes initially, then reveals his true nature when crunch time arrives.


And there's this hot Korean army chick whose real name is Diana Bang. How perfect is that?


Grade:  B +




JILL'S TAKE
I went, grousing and grumbling, to see The Inteview – assuming it would be utter fluff and one dumb movie per year is my quota. I was wrong. As silly as the premise is, it made me giggle from start to finish. As Tim was imagining the Obama Family watching this fart-friendly film, I kept imagining the real Kim Jong Un watching it. Not known for his self-deprecating sense of humor, North Korea's Chief of State would be highly insulted. (He might even nuke us for such insolence.) 
Be that as it may, I must say I was seriously impressed by James Franco's portrayal of Dave Skylark, a seemingly superficial TV talk show host. Having seen Franco in 127 Hours (for which he received a Best Actor nomination in 2011), I knew he had acting chops. What I didn't know was how funny he could be. And believably funny, too. Not all leading men types can make that switch. So Bravo, Signor Franco! 
As for Seth Rogen? He directed, wrote and produced this opus. And that's nothing to sneeze at. Of course, I have a special affinity for the lad since he grew up in a city that I lived in (and loved) for over 17 years: Vancouver, BC. The Interview is not going to appeal to everyone but I heard on the news that on its first weekend playing in theaters, it was the highest grossing film in China's history. 
Grade: B





  


           

Monday, December 8, 2014

EMINENTLY CLEAR



Passel of powder blue
dressed to kill
I'll be right up in your grill
like a George Foreman punch
now you're out to lunch
don't worry
it was preordained
without your express
written consent

Tooling around
we took a wrong turn
and BINGO
there's Johnny Sideline!
OH...can we get your autograph, puleeeze?

He says, Why? I'm Johnny Sideline after all.

But we are proud athletic supporters
and we never forget our jocks.
And winning isn't everything
unless you're a loser
boozer
midnight cruiser...

Now we're off  to name a star
hang out in a bar
and Father Time
that two-headed douche bag
I recalled him from Salisbury
now look what he's done.
All he knows
is to go with the flow
on a warm Summer's Eve
but you're a little too January
for me now 
so get stuffed, man
cuz I've made it my mission
to help all those
with chronic constipation
across the Raider Nation

Oh, silly, silly boy
it's eminently clear 
that you're trying to write your way to Love
but ah...
it looks to be working now

Pain recedes into the distance

And all I need from you
at the moment
is to borrow that smile