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Friday, February 5, 2016

CONSIDER

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads


I really don't care
what you DO
really I don't
cuz anything between two
or three
or more
consenting pervs
is alright with me
just tell me how
it makes you FEEL
like the first time
you cheated on your man
did it make you feel
guilty?
dirty?
giddy?
confused?
like in high school when
you walked past those boys
who always muttered something
beneath their breath
and then you took to not wearing a bra
when you passed by
cuz it made you feel giddy
just to gauge their reaction
as you pretended
(with that haughty look
your species has perfected )
not to notice them


Sight alone cannot authenticate
that something is real
(for it may be a dream)
you've got to take it into your grasp
and FEEL

As one who has attempted
on numerous occasions
to bridge the gap between
fantasy and reality
I want you to consider dangerous things
i want you to THINK about crossing
that line
whether you do or not
is of no import to me
just as long as you look me
in the eye
and tell me how it makes you
FEEL
make it real
so that maybe
for the first time in your life
you'll be free


Monday, January 18, 2016

AND THE WORD WAS MADE FLESH



If ever I go berserk, I won't go running amuck
through the streets...I'll just go out and spend
every last dime I have on books.

Today I've taken to rubbing the covers (front and back)
of my favorite volumes all across my skin--all over my body.
(And yes, YOUR tome as well--you know who you are!)
The glossy finishes glide smoother than the matte.
 No matter. It is pure ecstasy.
 (The fact that you cannot do this with an e-book should not be lost on you.)

Never before have I derived so much pleasure from the written word.
Soon I'll open them to certain pages--my favorite passages--
and follow through in similar fashion.
(This is called absorbing the material.)
I know....I know...I did the same when I was twelve,
but those were magazines with pictures.
I've grown beyond that adolescent stage
into a pure "lover" of the written word.
An ageless, timeless, complete love!
I knew that I would find it someday,
and what a surprise to find it right there under my nose!

Make love to what you love.

Uh oh... I'm starting to feel that urge again...
that craving...to go out and score...about a dozen more.
There's a used book sale the public library
is putting on down the street. A buck for a book!
(Sometimes fifty cents.)
Somebody stop me!
Read the first fifty pages--
if it doesn't grab you by then, move on.
(Good advice for any relationship.)

It is enough just to have them,
Stacked here, there and everywhere.
Don't worry, I'll find SOMEPLACE to put them!

Books up da butt.

Friday, January 8, 2016

AVOIDANCE AS A WAY OF LIFE




We used to be so much more
adventurous
when'er the phone would ring.
Remember when there was no
caller I.D.
and you were at the mercy of every
con artist and old girlfriend
you were trying to avoid?
Before voice mail
there was no choice--
you had to answer it
and take your chances.

We don't need that level
of owning up--
coming clean--anymore.
Leave a message
if you've got nothing to say.
Obla di, obla da, life goes on.
I'd rather sit here in silence
the whole day long
than try to explain to you, my dear,
why you've got the wrong number.



Wednesday, January 6, 2016

JUST NORTH OF SOUTH KOREA



Everywhere the pudgy

little guy

appears in public,

the people all around

are applauding. 

CLAP CLAP CLAP!

They don't want to think

about the reason why...


Applaud or die.

Monday, January 4, 2016

DEEP THOUGHT # 42



Women complain
that their men
don't talk to them
but wise men understand
that the more you say
the likelier it is
you'll find yourself
eating your words
for breakfast 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

MAKING HAY




I'd like to be mysterious
like some I see who never
respond to comments
but just let you wonder who they are
behind the brilliance of their pen
and though my heart is not exactly splayed
upon my sleeve
it's still up there somewhere
waiting to be played


I'd like to lead a hard life
in the Appalachians
and see what kind of verse would
well up from my underground
all blackened and irredeemable
like a coal miner's fingers

I'd like to freeze my ass off
on the ski slopes
somewhere in the Rockies
and then warm it next to the fire
in the lodge with the sound of
tinkling glasses and laughter

Someone said that a poet
is a whole world
inside of one person
choose your words
and your worlds carefully

But then there is me

I'd like to be the proverbial
traveling salesman making hay
with the farmer's daughter

And I can hear you say
I KNEW something like that
was going to come out of you

That's exactly what she said too



Monday, December 7, 2015

THE BAG



I

Here's the deal
either everything is aware
or nothing is 

Besides me that is


Oh, that's solipsistic...

but not totally
cuz I'll acknowledge you
and only you
as I know you are reading these words
AT THIS VERY MOMENT
(and that makes me psychic)
and it makes us intimately connected

So I just wanna know...

how come you never call??? 

II


I noticed an author advertising her book

as being a "clean romance"
I guess that's one where
nobody gets into anybody's pants
a kind of never ending dance
where everybody goes back home
and takes a cold shower

But real life is dirty

so very down and dirty
and I don't mind you dirty little girls
and boys
as long as you quit
making so damn much noise

III


It's really quite simple

though the philosophers have tried
to make it mysterious

Either you go on

(the part of you that is aware)
or you don't
and therefore no one should be afraid
of non-existence
if it really existed that is
the complete cessation of all

joy

pain
angst
bullshit

would really be quite good

but sorry to inform you
that for that to ever be
then the opposite (you and me)
would have to never have been
don't you see
and it's a bit late for that

The cat

is out of the bag
for ever 
and ever 
and ever
and he's shitting
all over the carpet
as we speak
the sound of the universe
misinterpreted for lo these many eons

It isn't OMMMMM

my friend...
just a cosmic
echoing
MEEEOOOW!







Sunday, November 22, 2015

ENTER TO WIN A SIGNED COPY OF MY NEW BOOK: LAST TANGO IN TIMBUKTU



Goodreads Book Giveaway

Last Tango In Timbuktu by Tim Schaefer

Last Tango In Timbuktu

by Tim Schaefer

Giveaway ends December 01, 2015.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.
Enter Giveaway

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

DEEP THOUGHT # 17



FRIENDS DON'T NEED TO BECOME LOVERS

TO CONTINUE BEING FRIENDS

BUT LOVERS NEED TO BECOME FRIENDS

TO CONTINUE BEING LOVERS