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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

LONE WOLF



Kinda funny to think of 
how I once submitted myself
for your approval
(you meaning the lot of you)
in the ritual we call
The Dance
to be graded
rated
negated
castrated
or perhaps
sated
but in the end
it's all the same
but now you see
you've nothing I need
so there's no need
to bother
and had I known
how easy it would be to say
FUK TO ALL
(to be brutally honest)
I'd have done it long ago
and saved these tire tracks
across my back 

Never could figure out
the secret
to makin' someone else
happy
till one day it finally hit me...

Goddamn, Sam!
That ain't your job!

Thursday, May 9, 2019

HARD RAIN



I'll give you something to dream on
with your dream catcher above the bed
an Indian summer
a band of wild Indians war whooping
and an arrow stuck in your butt
as just desserts for rooting for the
cowboys in those old western movies
when you were a kid

A hard rap on the knuckles
with a ruler
for every time you caught
fireflies in a jar
they died in there 
just so you could see
some twinkly lights
shallow child

There are only stolen moments of joy
(admit that now and you'll be free)
all the rest is just the tedium of life
as seen through rose colored beer glasses

Would you cough your life up
like a hairball
examine it
and swallow it again? 

And I want to see an honest epitaph that says:
Here lies ol' Bob
his life wasn't horrible
but it kinda sucked

I sometimes reflect upon
who and what I might have been
had I gone off to kill people
at the behest of some politicians
I was twisted enough as it was

I can't imagine
I can't imagine

But thank you for your service
thanks for defending our slavery

And the animals are marching
2 by 2
as if they knew
a hard rain's a-gonna fall






Thursday, May 2, 2019

ANOTHER APRIL

d'Verse Poets Pub--Imaginary Garden With Real Toads


What is this "growing old gracefully" shit?
Does it mean that you will not bitch
about your aches and pains?
Does it mean you won't wince when
women call you Sir?
And does it mean that you will
no longer be able
to hop up on the table at the dance
and drop your pants?

And if you did 

would they all just snicker
instead of scream?

I like to think of grace

as maintaining my own pace.
Each day the road is filled with
cars
trucks
motor homes
and bulldozers
gunning past me like I'm standing still
just because I'm doing only
ten miles an hour over the speed limit. 
If any of them had been on 
The Hindenburg or
The Titanic
they'd have learned that you 
don't want to always be in 
such a frightful hurry 
to get where you're going.

Another April has come and gone

and I'm in less of a tizzy
more inclined to listen to
music instead of news
rollin' down the road to my man
Jimmy Reed wailing the blues.

So I'll take some time

to take the long way home
and when I run out of pavement
I want the radio to be playing
that same sweet refrain
as I fade into the topaz twilight.

Sunday, April 28, 2019

NO ESCAPE



I knew her when she was twelve
such a pretty girl
shoulda coulda been 
Homecoming Queen
later on

but she was hemmed in

on all sides
by the trash

white trash


no one hauls it away

she never knew anything
but the trash

they say pull yourself up

by your bootstraps
break the cycle
but how can you
when no one hauls
the trash away

such a pretty girl

shoulda coulda been
a model
but there was no one around
to model a different reality               

saw her a while back

overweight
overburdened
two little kids 
each fathered by a different
dude
neither of whom could be seen
on the the local radar screen 

each of them said

see you later
gonna take out the trash
and they hauled their asses
out of there

the only lie they never told her 



Tuesday, April 23, 2019

MAN IN THE MIRROR




Still just a dumbshit
in the delirium
of his own desires
though mitigated by
expectations diminished
his flag at half mast
waving in the breeze
looking for a nimble
pole dancer
to be his main squeeze

Sunday, April 14, 2019

JUMP CUT



HOW TO DO ANYTHING
print out my online instructions
but be advised they are lengthy
because "anything" covers
a lot of ground.

LAST CHANCE FOR 8 DOLLAR SHORTS
I've taken it in the shorts 
too many times
maybe my luck is turning.

COMMENT FROM MARIA
wait...
lemme check this...
okay...
never mind...
Maria is a whore.

TIM, YOU HAVE A NEW 
SUGGESTED FRIEND

I'm so distracted!

Gimmie an  A!

Gimmie a    D!

Gimmie an  H!

Gimmmie a  D!


COMMENT FROM ROXANNE
My reply: 
So happy
you've turned out the red light
at long last.

jump cut
jump cut

Oh, look at your cute little twins
we are Siamese if you please
I'm turning Japanese
I'm turning...
I'm turning...

I'm going back in my memory
to observe
The Big Bang
once again
I remember it 
as being...
loud

Where are my fukking ear plugs???

GOOGLE IS DOWN
GOOGLE IS DOWN
I'm melting!
I'm melting!

America
we are in big trouble.

Never mind...
just gimmie my damn phone!






Monday, April 8, 2019

HAPPY TALK NEWS



Now let's join the local
morning news team on Channel 18...


News Anchor KEN:
There's a big jaywalking problem
in our city--now we take you
to Stacy Blah, our reporter
on the scene down at the 
corner of Blah and Blah...

Holy crap, Stacy...

get out of the road...
you almost got hit by that bus!

Now let's go to Shannon for the weather...hey Shannon, there's some discussion

around the water cooler as to whether
you are a natural blonde or not...

SHANNON:
That's for me to know and for you to 
put it where the sun don't shine, Ken!

KEN:
Hey Shannon, I'm only relaying
the scuttlebutt from those who
observed you at the office Christmas
party--ha ha!


Now let's go to Jay for the sports report...

JAY:
Well, folks, the Cubs lost another game last night. They've got no hitting and they've got no pitching. You'll see them in the World Series again in another hundred years or so. If you're lucky. THEY SUCK!!!

KEN:
Keep it right here  
for more news you can use...
we'll be back with more
on the election after these short
words about your erection
from Frank Thomas!

Click.

Monday, April 1, 2019

EFFORTLESS



You've probably always wondered
why the aliens 
(not the ones at the border) 
look the way they do
with their huge eyes
and heads and
emaciated bodies
but it's easy to figure out

Brick and mortar died

and it became so effortless
for us to have everything we wanted
ordered online and delivered
right to our door
from food
to the clothes we wear
to the cars we drive

We never had to leave the house

(except when the toilet was backed up)
we never got any exercise
we sat for hours upon end
day and night
staring into our phones
and it made our eyes
and our heads grow huge
and our bodies devolve into
these little stick figures

And you've always wondered why

the "aliens" look so strange
but they are from the future

And yes

they are us


Tuesday, March 26, 2019

THE MAIN THING



I don't care
about your poem

What I mean is

I DON'T CARE...

if your poem is political

I just won't be discussing
it with you

if your poem is personal
as long as you are
only crying in ways that
don't show on the outside

if your poem is salacious 

as long as it's funny and dirty 
at the same time

if your poem

is a prose poem if you
don't mind me saying it's prosaic

if your poem is a sonnet

I'll just imagine you
in your Easter Bonnet 

if you stole your poem

from someplace else as long as
it's nothing I've already read

if your poem is an erasure poem

(you should have erased it
before anyone saw it)

The main thing is 
that you get on with it 

because

we
both
know
this
ends 
badly

for him

for you
for me 
quite possibly for the world
and most assuredly
for this poem

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

OF WALLS AND BALLS


If you're looking for true love
then you must WAVE constantly
it attracts more attention

A wave is just a bird
winging over the walls
we've erected
to keep everyone else out


They're really not real at all
in a certain way
and in another way
they are very real

Violate the laws of physics

and you will see what I mean
like when you rush headlong
into that brick wall

The wall is just an illusion
but it still hurts like hell
now doesn't it?

Ha ha

that's The Joke

Like when you swing at the ball

and miss you feel one way
and when you swing at the ball
and crush it you feel another way
but the ball is just the ball
and isn't responsible
for your feelings
even though you've taken
yours out on it
wham-o
crushed that sucker good

We have lots of exculpatory

evidence that clears the ball
of any wrongdoing

Pedants put out humorless

poems with devastating endings
designed to make you feel
the pain of individuals
or entire cultures wronged

The one thing we will regret
most from the other side
of the divide 
is that we took ourselves
way too seriously

Just play the game
and have a ball