ONE
I see...
a home
where the buffalo roam
no more
I see...
a land stained
by the blood
of conquest
I see...
a gypsy palm reader
spitting on your hand--
you spit in her face
I see...
you at the theatre
with your head buried
in your iPhone
for most of the movie
but anyone can see
it's really up your butt
I see...
you incurring substantial debt
for the purchase of material items
that the recipient will neither welcome
nor appreciate
and that is called The Holidays
I see...
You being trampled to death
at a large department store
on Black Friday
TWO
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...
I wore white after Labor Day
it was kind of an off-white
so I thought it might be alright
no one in my ghetto
seemed to care
Such pretense
when our prehensile tails
are not that far removed
clackety-clack
don't look back
And now Ladies and gentlewomen
here to sing a medley of his most DEPRESSING hits,
the ever maudlin... JOSH GROBAN!
(song playing)
Announcer: We interrupt this song to bring you a news flash...a young woman, listening to our station, has just jumped off her 16th story balcony!
happy
sad
happy
sad
happy happy
sad sad
happyhappyhappy
sadsadsad
the world is bi-polar
(That's north and south, for you geography majors!)
hum dee dum
ya lousy bum
1st man: Hello, my name is Fu Chow.
2nd man: Pleased to meet you. My name is Egg Foo Yong.
1st man: Yes, I have heard of you...people say that you are a good Egg.
And now, the new craze that's sweeping the nation...SAINT VITUS DANCE!
Round and around
and around and around
and around we go
Take your anti-depressants,
America,
but don't forget the increased
risk of suicide...
EXCUSE ME
but hasn't anyone noticed
that's the exact OPPOSITE
of the intended effect?
Looking for the quick fix
has put us in quite a fix
(Spit on the drug addict
while deluding yourself
that your chain smoking
isn't the exact same thing)
You're listening to Radio KSUK...all Josh Groban--ALL the time...that's right, America, we're JOSHING you 24 hours a day!
(song playing)
We interrupt this song to bring you a special news bulletin...no basketball players were charged with killing any hookers today...
And you wonder why
you have A.D.D.
America,
when there's a commercial
break
every five minutes
Capitalism could have worked
were it not for the
inherent
incessant
need for MORE MORE MORE
built into the human psyche
So go ahead and anoint
your sports teams
as WORLD champions
when no outside teams participated...
You will always be the Earth
that the sun revolves around
until it draws close enough
to consume you in its fire
THIS MIND LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK
__Very sad, the way in which we (aaahem, we?) judge things... .
ReplyDelete... and among ALL the "ICONS"... those "moral failures," the "fraud speakers," the "Phony Pure," the "child molesters" the "dog fighters," "Steroid Slaves" ... and on and on, and on and on... and on... in:
Sports
Politics
Entertainment
Advertisement
Religeon
Society
-SPEARS-
__And with all the severe degredations that one can easily find... that surrounds and infests the above... the "_ _ " Commision still wont let Pete Rose into the "Baseball Hall of Fame!?" What "balance?"
You will always be the Earth
ReplyDeletethat the sun revolves around
until it draws close enough
to consume you in its fire
enjoyed the ending much, Thanks for linking,
Happy Poetry Picnic!
: (
ReplyDeleteYes, yes YEEEEESSSS. And here I was thinking capitalism would save us from the likes of Josh Groban. How wrong I was. How very wrong....
ReplyDeleteOh wow, this is really amazing. Love your clever word play. I wonder at your divisions of 1 and 2, i was sort of looking for a 3... Love the cell phone thing, and the reference to prehensile tails...and so much more. This is a great rant!
ReplyDeletedamn bro that was freaking awesome...it was like a three ring circus with a kick in the ass or 17...probably best thing i read this week...
ReplyDeleteYou said it all, and in a quite entertaining manner. Great write!
ReplyDeletehttp://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/then-snared/
What a feast of ideas and images-- love the cracks at Brogan-- he really is terrible, sings so imitatively. Also loved the leftover tails-- Personally I love my vestigal____. ! xxxj
ReplyDeleteremember a few years back when they blasted Barry Manilow tunes to try to drive terrorists out of the Peruvian Embassy...there is a place for Josh Groban as well...my kind of rand, well done
ReplyDeletethink as a non-american i didn't get all the details but enough to say that it sounds like over here as well... wondering where this will lead us.. the need for MORE MORE MORE
ReplyDeletebuilt into the human psyche.... think we all need to be careful as it's only too real..
Damn! From poop soup I surely never expected that. The world series was a good crack, But there is one Canadian team, maybe American's think that's the world..hahaha Iphone up your butt..haha and those commercial's I agree, they can take them and show them along with all the A.D.D.
ReplyDeleteI think I liked the most metaphoric part of this best, specifically the stanza beginning "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned", which leaves it to the reader to imagine what all white after Labour Day could mean, with so many possible permutations.
ReplyDeleteI hate this time of year--you nailed why in much of this, which bleeds over into the entire year, just intensifies and pulses with annoyingly pretty lights in December. The broken up nature of the piece works really well with the alienated, dare I say cranky theme. Everything is a sport any more, or a circus, and politics--let's not even go there.I'd be nervous having my paper delivered by the likes of those wanting to run the country atm.
ReplyDelete(RE: your snarky comment, for which you are always appreciated,--most people can't be bothered with reading them anyway, so WTH. :P And apologies if I sounded patronizing. Sometimes I just get way off into it.)
wow, this was quite the ride...I think my heart rate went up while reading this! Lots of good points in that circus of yours as well
ReplyDeleteNice rant of your own, MAGYAR!
ReplyDeleteWhat a GLORY you are, MORNING!
Well said, THINGY, in your minimalist style. SELMA, you make my day with your wit.
OTHER MARY--thanks so much...now WHICH Mary are you again?
Much appreciated, BRIAN, you're too kind...okay, well, maybe not.
Hey, MARBLES--thanks for rolling my way.
Heads or tails, I've flipped for you, JEN! CHARLIE PARANT: Just to clarify, I think Groban is a great singer...it's just that I've never heard him sing a HAPPY song in my life!
Thanks CLAUDIA...yeah, it's called ADDICTION.
ReplyDeletePAT HATT: Thanks, brother.
Good insight into that, KATHY.
HEDGEWITCH: Thanks, mama! There is never any snark in my comments for you...only playfulness!
Hey, CATY...thanks for dropping by.(And in the immortal words of Maria Muldaur: We won't need no camel, sugar, when I take you for a ride...
The long post depressed me but such is the sad and sorry state of life. I do like your twist on the prayer and the holiday madness...oh well, on with the radio show ~
ReplyDeleteIsn't it just so freaking fantastic to be part of a civilized society! I celebrate on a daily basis by doing what is expected of me to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly. (Between you and me, I call it whoring myself out...but the civilized folk have a different trade that word's used for) BUT...because I do this on a regular enough basis, I sometimes have a bit of coin left over and I have been able to treat myself to such indulgences as TWO ply toilet paper and brand name meds. I LOVE the Holidaze...especially when the sun is good and close to burn up the trappings ;) Consumerism rocks! (and yes dear friend...I AM being totally sarcastic) Absolutely loved this...
ReplyDeleteHEAVEN: How can YOU be depressed, if what you are writing about on your blog is real life experience? (Check her out, folks!)
ReplyDeleteNATASHA: TWO-ply toilet paper? HARRUMPH ! So you want to lord that over the rest of us one-ply working stiffs who bust our butts to make ends (pun intended) meet! Such elitism!
Timoteo - you slay me, as always. I so love your view of the world and the humorous angst with which you express it. I wish I could write ONE poem like yours!
ReplyDeleteboy, you are bloody brilliant.
ReplyDelete