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Monday, September 21, 2009

POLITICS AS USUAL



Recently, during a speech to a joint session of the U.S. congress on the subject of health care reform, president Barack Obama was "heckled" by representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina, who  shouted "YOU LIE"  when the president stated that illegal aliens would not be eligible for health insurance coverage under his proposed plan.  The ensuing uproar over this lack of decorum had many people calling for the congressman to apologize. 

But meanwhile, in a PARALLEL UNIVERSE, the whole incident happened just a little bit DIFFERENTLY...

THE PREZ: ...and I want to reiterate my position that I think that BABIES are CUTE!
THE CONGRESSMAN: You LIE!
(Speaker of the House Nancy Polosi is aghast, looking around the chamber to see who might have the unmitigated balls to shout at the president, while Vice President Joe Biden shakes his head in disbelief. Pretending not to notice, the president continues with his speech.)
THE PREZ: And I also want to make it perfectly clear that PUPPY DOGS are cute too!
THE CONGRESSMAN: Arab! 
(A few of the congressman's Republican colleagues begin to snicker. One of them pats him on the back.)
THE CONGRESSMAN: Arab terrorist!
(His colleagues guffaw, stomp their feet, and spit tobacco juice on the floor. House speaker Pelosi appears to be on the verge of barfing, as she raises her gavel to try to maintain order.)
THE PREZ: But NOBODY is as cute as MY WIFE!.
THE CONGRESSMAN: Hitler!
THE PREZ: Except for my two lovely DAUGHTERS, of course!
THE CONGRESSMAN: Heil Hitler!
(The president stops in mid sentence, and glares in the direction of the congressman, )
THE PREZ: One more peep out of YOU, sir, and I'm going to come down there and stick my fist down yo DUMB CRACKER pie hole!
THE CONGRESSMAN: (Mouth agape) He called me a dumb cracker! You hear that everybody? The president is out of line...out of LINE!
(The president jumps down from the podium and sprints over to where the congressman is sitting--as the man's Republican colleagues, who were egging him on just a moment ago, begin to scatter. The president straddles the congressman in typical lap dance fashion, grabs hold of the man's nose and begins to TWIST.)
THE CONGRESSMAN: Help! HELP! Ooh. Ughh! Arghhh! 
(The president lets go of the congressman's nose, pats him on the head, and returns to the podium, to the sound thunderous applause from the Democratic side of the aisle, and stunned silence from the Republicans.)
THE CONGRESSMAN: My NOSE! I think it's BUSTED!
(The TV camera zooms in for a close-up of the president, who shakes his finger at the camera.)
THE PREZ: I told you, America,... this was NOT  going to be POLITICS AS USUAL! 

   



11 comments:

  1. I enjoyed your re-write :D LOL

    Wishing you a Happy Day, Tim :D

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  2. Very funny! There does seem to be a parrallel univeres these days, doesn't there! Could this political situation get any more ridiculous? Well, yes, as we find out with each passing week ... but still! The highlight for me, still, is not wanting children to listen to his welcome back to school speech. Its pretty hard to top that.

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  3. KELLY,
    Thanks a bunch...may your day be filled with sunshine and a 3 martini lunch.

    LINDA,
    I've taken to explaining everything that happens with these words from a country song I heard recently: GOD IS GREAT...BEER IS GOOD...PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.
    (Hope you're doing well!)

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  4. I like your version much better. Thanks for the first thing in the morning smile.

    Just one thing I was curious about (you know me, I'm always curious about something)....how do you know what a typical lap dance position is? Hmmmm?

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  5. The first... "reality TV show?"

    _m

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  6. GYPSY,
    Lap dances...yeah, well...I saw that in the MOVIES--you know, "The Wrestler" has some of that going on in it. LOL

    MAGYAR,
    Truth is often stranger than fiction, eh?

    CYNTHIA,
    Glad you enjoyed this--and happy that you can see where you're going now :)

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  7. that would be new...I enjoyed your world version!

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  8. Uh huh...sounds plausible I guess ;)

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  9. Hahaha. LOL. This was how it really happened, I think. Very entertaining!

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