Hi there, guys... it's ME--THE BACHELORETTE! I know you GUYS watch The Bachelor-- cause it's like, every guy's fantasy to have this harem of 25 semi-attractive to attractive chicks to choose from--each of them so hard-up that they have to go on a TV show and cat fight with all the other girls to try to win the affections of this ONE semi-attractive to attractive dude. Yeah,
you don't want to admit to watching The Bachelorette, where the tables are turned and I am the GODDESS! But I know you're there.
Anyway, that was some finale, wasn't it? I had to pick between Ed and Kiptyn--and you know, I was IN LOVE with both of them. Really! Then REID shows up out of the blue to try to get me to pick him--and BOY, that's when I realized I was in love with HIM too! Amazing, huh? And after knowing each of these guys for only a FEW WEEKS.
I know people think,"What's wrong with you, girl?" You gonna get ENGAGED to some guy you've never even been with without the cameras filming you the whole time--that's just STUPID. And why YOU so hard up you have to go on this dumb show to begin with?
Well, okay--you've got a point there. But we aren't so DUMB, or even over-sexed (well, that's another story). We know that being on this show can give our careers a big boost, and that's the biggest reason why we're here. Hell, I might be able to parlay this gig into hosting my own GAME SHOW or something. And that thing about the cameras being on...hey, you forgot about the FANTASY SUITE, where I do a sleepover with each of the last three--or is it four--guys?Kind of hard to remember who I was with, come to think of it... or even remember their NAMES. But I know that I was definitely IN LOVE with all of them! And no cameras in the fantasy suite. No siree, BOB! (Was Bob one of them?)
Now, you out there watching in TV land have always wondered what's REALLY going on in the fantasy suite, where I'm spending the night with some guy I HARDLY KNOW-- but am definitely, one hundred percent SURE that I'm in LOVE with. Well...WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON? We're all adults here...duh! And the other two--or is it three--guys I spend the night with on the show...I just tell each of them that hey, Whatshisname and me, we just cuddled and then went to sleep. But let me tell you, in reality I was one WORN OUT little Bachelorette after those fantasy suite pajama parties!
So as you know from watching the show, I finally chose Ed to be the last man standing. The ONE AND ONLY love of my life! Even though I was still agonizing over Reid and Kiptyn just a couple of hours earlier. Because either of THEM could have been the one and only love of my life, but hey, you gotta pick SOMEBODY...that's the rules of the show!
Now, Ed and I are happily engaged, and we'll say our vows sometime...uh...NEXT YEAR, I think. But in the meantime, I'll be a busy girl. I'm in negotiations to do a photo shoot for Ladies Home Journal, a guest appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, and a commercial for Trojan condoms!
Now don't forget, guys...the new season of The Bachelor is coming soon--where some lucky, semi-attractive to attractive couple will find TRUE LOVE forever!