An oldie but goodie! When I read something from a few years back (that YOU probably haven't seen) and I'm cracking myself up again, I say: This one deserves another turn in the spotlight!
ONE
I see...
a home
where the buffalo roam
no more
I see...
a land stained
by the blood
of conquest
I see...
a gypsy palm reader
spitting on your hand--
you spit in her face
I see...
you at the theatre
with your head buried
in your iPhone
for most of the movie
but anyone can see
it's really up your butt
I see...
you incurring substantial debt
for the purchase of material items
that the recipient will neither welcome
nor appreciate
and that is called The Holidays
I see...
You being trampled to death
at a large department store
on Black Friday
TWO
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...
I wore white after Labor Day
it was kind of an off-white
so I thought it might be alright
no one in my ghetto
seemed to care
Such pretense
when our prehensile tails
are not that far removed
clackety-clack
don't look back
And now Ladies and gentlewomen
here to sing a medley of his most DEPRESSING hits,
the ever maudlin... JOSH GROBAN!
(song playing)
Announcer: We interrupt this song to bring you a news flash...a young woman, listening to our station, has just jumped off her 16th story balcony!
happy
sad
happy
sad
happy happy
sad sad
happyhappyhappy
sadsadsad
the world is bi-polar
(That's north and south, for you geography majors!)
hum dee dum
ya lousy bum
THREE
1st man: Hello, my name is Fu Chow.
2nd man: Pleased to meet you. My name is Egg Foo Yong.
1st man: Yes, I have heard of you...people say that you are a good Egg.
And now, the new craze that's sweeping the nation...SAINT VITUS DANCE!
Round and around
and around and around
and around we go
Take your anti-depressants,
America,
but don't forget the increased
risk of suicide...
EXCUSE ME
but hasn't anyone noticed
that's the exact OPPOSITE
of the intended effect?
Looking for the quick fix
has put us in quite a fix
(Spit on the drug addict
while deluding yourself
that your chain smoking
isn't the exact same thing)
You're listening to Radio KSUK...all Josh Groban--ALL the time...that's right, America, we're JOSHING you 24 hours a day!
(song playing)
We interrupt this song to bring you a special news bulletin...no basketball players were charged with killing any hookers today...
And you wonder why
you have A.D.D.
America,
when there's a commercial
break
every five minutes
Capitalism could have worked
were it not for the
inherent
incessant
need for MORE MORE MORE
built into the human psyche
So go ahead and anoint
your sports teams
as WORLD champions
when no outside teams participated...
You will always be the Earth
that the sun revolves around
until it draws close enough
to consume you in its fire
THIS MIND LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK
