Sunday, January 8, 2017



I meet her at the party.
She is working for an agency
called Asians For Special Occasions,
renting herself out to PC folks who want
their social gatherings to appear culturally diverse.
I ask if she has done many similar events,
and she replies, "Oh, yes. in fact when you
see a Japanese, or Chinese, or Korean, or
Vietnamese, or Thai-looking person at a
party these days, they are likely from the agency."

(She isn't supposed
to drink the wine,
but I say here,
you can suck on mine.)


There is a young middle-tier porn actress
there, recruited by the hosts
to add an air of decadent sophistication
to the assemblage. She looks like the
 girl next door--freckle splashed cheeks
 and nose--not like the skanky-looking
 babes from the early days of the business.

Someone asks if she ever gets
involved with the men she works with and
she says, "Guys are so PRESUMPTUOUS!
Just because I DO you--what in the world
would lead you to assume 
I would ever want to date you?"

(She's also not supposed to touch the vino,
but she's eyeing my glass,
so surreptitiously, I slip it to her.)

She grabs a handful of almonds from
the hors d'oeuvre table and says:
"Imagine if I were allergic to nuts."


There is a Jewish woman wearing a head scarf.
She is posing as a Muslim. She's there for the
same reason as the other hired help. They couldn't
get the real thing on short notice, she confides, but
she has similar coloring, and everyone assumes.
Because of the head scarf, they assume.
"Perception is reality," she explains.
(I offer her a sip, but she says, "Better would blow my cover.")

The hosts have thought of everything.
Except to have stocked enough wine.
When it runs out, I prepare to make my exit,
thanking the two of them--a white couple in their fifties--for their hospitality. The couple doesn't
know me, but each assumes the other one does.

Which is all well and good I say to myself
as I move, a little wobbly, toward the gate.

I wasn't invited.


  1. With all the travels U have done, me assume that U saw it all .... but then again, assuming sumthing is never a guuud and wonderful thing, or is it? Meow, cat.

  2. Quite a heady telling; luv the use of those double entendre; This one makes me think you would do well in our Caribbean arena as a Calypso writer

    Happy Tuesday

    much love...

    1. I used to live in the Caribbean, so you might be right!

  3. I sometimes feel that people aren't what they seem to be anymore these days. Various shades to one's personality remind us we may never know a person truly.

    1. I have to agree with your comment, Sanaa. And thanks!

  4. The world is a big fat stage isn't it... this was most enjoyable.

  5. "Perception is reality," she explains. Ain't that the truth?

    1. Hey Kerry...You put your finger right on it !

  6. Making your exit when the wine runs out = the way to crash a party. :-) As for those who remained, perhaps their masks have fallen a bit, for I perceive there is more to them than language or social mores allow. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks Stacie...your insightful comments are always appreciated.

  7. LOL, I can see this all so clearly. It is pretty sad when you have to hire people to showcase your acceptance of diversity. This is really clever, Tim. Nailed it.

    1. You wonder how prevalent this is in Malibu and places like that--lol

  8. Imagine I was allergic to nuts... makes me PRESUMPTUOUS!--- maybe you were part of the setting to... you have to have a gatecrasher as part of any decent setting....

    1. I knew YOU would appreciate that line--ha ha

  9. There is a world of tales weaved into the phrase "Asians For Special Occasions".

    1. I should have trademarked it's out there and i won't be surprised if Asians For Special Occasions becomes a reality somewhere!

  10. Tim, I imagine you never get invited anywhere - people just assume you'll be there ~

  11. Too bad you weren't paid to be there! :) "Perception is reality." Isn't that a statement for the ages?

    1. I was thinking what if you took PC to the extreme, and this is what came out--though I'm sure the scenario is being played out somewhere as we speak!