Tuesday, May 31, 2016

A SHORT PLAY...ON WORDS (or "Eat Shit And Die")

                       THE SCENE: A fast food drive-through somewhere in                                                                    middle America                        


                      SHE: A young female order taker
                      HE: A male customer who has just pulled up to the intercom                                                  

SHE: Hello, and welcome to SHITBURGER. How may I help you?

HE: Uh... I guess I'll have a SHITBURGER with everything on it.

SHE: You want the works on that, you say?

HE: I think...what kind of shit does that come with?

SHE: Oh, there's all kinds of shit on there, sir....a real load. I think you'll     enjoy it.

HE: Okay, then, I'll give that a try. Never had a SHITBURGER before, but my girlfriend strongly recommended that I eat some...

SHE: Oh yes, we get a lot of referrals that way. Mostly men. 

HE: So these burgers are good, eh?  I admire that you are up front in your advertising about the ingredients. That seems to be rare these days.

SHE: Well, sir, that was an easy decision. Our research indicates that most people don't give a shit what's in it, as long as it tastes good. And we've devised a way to make shit absolutely DELICIOUS!

HE: No accounting for taste, as they say!

SHE: Ha ha...that's right, sir.

HE: Your prices are really good.

SHE: Yes, they are...we make shit affordable...and addictive!

HE: Right...uh, what other shit do you have to go with that?

SHE: There's our curly fries...deep fried...

HE: Sounds delicious.

SHE : Deep fried in some deep shit.

HE :All right...I'll take the curly fries too.

SHE: Guaranteed to curl your toes. Would you like something to drink with that?

HE: I see that your BIG PISS cup is a full sixteen ounces for only fifty-nine cents!

SHE: Yes... it's full of piss, but with all the high fructose corn syrup in there, you'll never notice the difference.

HE: YAHOO! Looks like I'm all set.

SHE: Please pull up to the window then, sir,  and thank you for choosing SHITBURGER. Have a crappy day!

HE: Ha doubt about it. No doubt at all!!!


  1. LOL!!!

    Thanks for dropping by my blog today

    Much love...

  2. Have a great (not a crappy) day!

  3. __Now, let's imagine investments: I expect that burger outlet has invested deeply, and has burgeoning assets in the laxative markets_? _m

    1. Indeed they do. But they refer to it as "product manufacturing."

    2. Assets, above products worth billions_!

    3. "Asses are our greatest asset"

  4. I'm just imagining running an ad for work...

    We offer shitloads for excrement excitements.

    1. That's catchy--I can hear the jingle now.

  5. I saw the picture and felt a little peckish. It is dinner time, after all.
    I read the poem and laughed most heartily, but kinda lost my appetite!
    Shitburger sounds like the kind of place that would fit in very well in the Netherworld. Places in the Netherworld tend to be horrific yet humorous.

    1. Thanks, Cara! If I can keep one person from mindlessly consuming another burger today, then I feel vindicated!

  6. Theo says: "Having a soft heart in this cruel world is not a weakness but I have my claws ready and hidden for just in case" ... Love, cat.

    1. Nicely said, and furry or furless, a cat is a cat!

  7. Horribly funny and hideously serious. MayI share it on facebook? (With due accreditation.)

  8. Hah, perfect! Should be called "Eat Shit and Die"