Saturday, June 16, 2012


With Real Toads--d'Verse Poets Pub

she showed up on my doorstep
one day with two suitcases--
looking like a lost waif.

my best compadre Dan knew her
and had sent her down from the states
because he thought--for some odd reason-- that I
could arrange an abortion for her
as it was still illegal.
i had lots of contacts,
but not in that arena
and i told her so.
she wasn't showing yet,
so we decided to make the best
of her time there anyway.

we had come from the beach
and were meandering along the Condado
when a local cop on a motorcycle
pulled up beside and told us we couldn't
be on the street looking like that.

she was wearing just her bikini
but it was tame by today's standards
and i had seen plenty of  tourists
navigating these streets in similar attire.

then I realized he wasn't referring to
the bikini, but the way she filled out the bikini
(it was June, and she was busting out all over.)
he even mentioned that drivers
could get into accidents
from gawking at her (swear to God).

i took off the shirt I wore over my trunks
and  gave it to her to put on and the
civic-minded embodiment of the law
allowed as how that would be acceptable
and we walked on back to my place.

we made it that night
and half-assedly
with her saying in the middle of it
"ya gotta understand
 this doesn't mean much to me
becuz i still love Clyde."
(right--just not enough to bear his spawn.)

in the early morning
Nan came by,
cooing at me through the slats
of my bedroom window.
then suddenly shouting you bastard
(waking up the pious Puerto Rican family next door
who had given me dirty looks before)
and stomping off
when Lana raised her strawberry-blonde mane.

that cost me dearly.

but what's a young buck
trying to live in the moment to do?

years hence, Dan informed me that Lana
had done a photo spread for a notorious
skin magazine.
not once, but twice..

i thought about trying to locate some back issues
to see if i could find her
and then i said
why bother.

been there.
done that.


  1. ha. chuckles at the end...very good story telling man...interesting bit about the cop stopping too...

  2. Ha! "Been there, done that". Good one, kiddo. Oh my, the tales (tails?) we have to tell when we start looking back! This could be a companion piece to my Bridge of Asses:)

  3. BRIAN: Yep, she was an attention getter.

    SHERRY: Ah, the famous Bridge of Asses...and none of them were donkeys, right?

  4. Everything's always Lana, Lana, Lana.
    Poor Nan!

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  6. Foget the other comment ... catnip wouldn't do it ... I better get drunk right away ... meow.

  7. I've come to look forward to your Monday poetry offering - mainly because I never know what to expect when I click on the link.

    This is a story to remember for its ordinary out-of-the-ordinariness. So many pregnant girls, so many young guys, so many beach very real.

  8. good stuff, stories of not-really-regret, just it-is-what-it-is

  9. KOBI KO: Poor Nan? What about me? I never saw her again. She could have been a little more understanding and forgiving, don't ya think?

    CAT: Booze is the only answer!

    KERRY: Thanks so much for that--so happy to have you on a regular basis.

    AWAKENEDWORDS:It was what it was. Makes me think of that band: WAS(NOT WAS). Whatever happened to them?

  10. yes, love it, great story, nice punch line, but i don't really, actually believe you. :)
    once as a young (NOT pregnant) lass i was yelled at for walking around in a bathing suit, and not even a particularly skimpy one. that stuck with me. obviously.
    i like this story, and like kerry, now i'm always looking forward to your posts. keep em coming!

  11. I admire your story telling style. Interesting

  12. This is some awfully fine storytelling.

  13. MARIAN: Thanks so much for your support! But what part don't you believe?
    ADURA: Good to hear from you again.

    W.K.: Thanks for stopping by...oh, you left your hat. I'll just wear it until you come back.

  14. Reading this, I thought of Tom Waits. Really. Keen, gritty story with just the right details. Nice.

  15. Men. You're so predictable. That is, of course, part of the charm. I love it that this lady was so endowed as to disrupt traffic, and Mexican traffic at that, which is already pretty disrupted by gringo standards. You are a lively raconteur, Timo.

  16. Wouldn't want to cause traffic accidents haha great ending too.

  17. i bet the cop only just stopped and talked to you to be able to look at her a bit longer...ha...well told story sir..

  18. KIM: Tom Waits, eh? Don't know if I could get through a live reading of this in my Tom Waits voice without doing my throat in!

    HEDGEWITCH(JOY) Here in American we are endowed with inalienable rights...but she was endowed above and beyond that.

    PAT: Hate to admit it, but I rear ended a car one time doing just that!

    CLAUDIA: There is no doubt that you are right.

  19. The punchline at the end was just that ~ nice storytelling ~ I was curious where it will go ~

  20. Final four words said it all for me, too. I did not wonder where it was headed, just read it as it came. NOT what one would call a 'love' story! NOR a 'lust' story

    Just a story.

    Been there
    done that
    TOO many times.....


  21. I love the arc of this, the almost matter of fact way you say the most mundane things, thatbwhich is often the hardest to get in natural soeech since they're so ... mundane. Great read, a narrative delight that doesn't let you down.

  22. I love the way you told the story and the ending surprised me~
    Well Done

  23. Yeah...great short with a great Nice job.

  24. HEAVEN, STEVE, CHARLES, ELLA, HEROTOMOST: Glad you enjoyed the is often more fun to tell a story than to live it!