Thursday, May 3, 2012


Poetry Potluck--With Real Toads--d'Verse Poets Pub

Ladies and gentlemen
welcome aboard the SOUL TRAIN 
chuggin 'cross America
and movin on down the line
tha's right...tha's right...

My name is Thaddeus K. Trumbo
and I am your conductor...

We will glide through the beautiful countryside
with stopovers at significant locales
that comprise the tapestry of this great land...

chugga chugga chugga
chugga chugga chugga

First stop: RIPOFF CITY
where all the street signs
are in fine print
and everyday is the last day
of our gigantic warehouse sale

chugga chugga chugga
chugga chugga chugga

Next stop: WASTED TOWN

Where everyone gathers 
to slurp n burp
down at the ol' Scarf n Barf
(many of them have just come
from Ripoff City to drown their
Wasted Town...
where the motto is: 
Same time
same place
gettin' shitfaced!

chugga chugga chugga

And just down the tracks apiece, ladies and gentlemen, is Wasted Town's sister city: VOMITVILLE...
the capital of clueless teendom
where all the guys 
are flashing hand signs
and all the girls are flashing their boobs
and the beer is cold
direct from our cooler
to the porcelain god 
you will worship at the end of the hall

Ah, what a lovely day to glide
through the countryside
where peace 
and tranquility reside

HEY--OVER THERE...hold it cruisin' for a bruisin' boy...I'll do a RUMSHPRINGA right on yo head...
tha's right...tha's right!

chugga chugga chugga


where all the women are patronized
by male script writers 
so they are tough 
and go 'round  kicking
all the men's asses on every cop show
sliding around the corner
squeezing the livin' crap outta that gun
with both hands
and yelling FREEZE!

Meanwhile, down at the local TASTY  Freez
some are still as sweet as before

chugga chugga


Not to be confused with the Promised  Land
no no
Here, all the politicians
from mayor on down to dog catcher
keep promising that pie in the sky
just to get reelected
but year after year
the only thing they deliver is
that same old poop soup

I'll beat you like a DRUM, boy...
not a snare...a KETTLE!
tha's right...tha's right...

chugga chugga
chugga chugga

NEXT stop:  the village of PC  HEIGHTS

where you WILL apologize
for speakin' your mind
to anyone who has
an axe to grind
and that sensitivity training
for postal workers
is working out fine
but sometimes
you can still detect them seething
behind that counter

chugga chugga chugga
wooowoooo... ladies and gentlemen
we are pulling into WEST ATLANTIS
where the residents, in their thirst
for instant gratification,
have tried to live a lifestyle
well above their means--
and the houses can no longer be seen
because they are all underwater

chugga chugga

Where the powers that be
feel duty bound to meddle
in the affairs of any and all
if it serves their interests
like an  HOA drunk on power
they will occupy your house
and push you around
and any resources you have
might be converted to their own usage
and still they haven't a clue
as to why everybody hates them

chugga chugga 

And now, folks,  a special treat, as we are entering the village of  NOSTALGIA GARDENS
Where every ten years some event from the past
is commemorated with media hype and tributes
even though it no longer has any bearing WHATSOEVER on the present
and even though nobody wants to think about it anymore
we will drag it out again
JUST because it's been ten years
and that's a neat number
(as we speak they are preparing tributes
for the tenth anniversary of Milton Berle biting the big one)

Ah, we SO like to look back
here in the good ol' USA--
as looking ahead is getting
scarier by the minute.

.chugga chugga chugga

Last stop, ladies and germs: DOG TOWN

All passenger must disem...BARK
heh heh

Here in Dogtown,  all the residents have their noses in the air
(they have to) 'cause nobody cleans up after their pets
as the motto is: we wouldn't  stoop that far.
Watch your step your step...
those ain't no Jimmy Dean sausages fryin' on the sidewalk...
no no
seems we always steppin' in somethin' STINKY
here in the good ole USA...

Now, I wanna thank you folks
for being such a good-

ALRIGHT--tha's it!  I'm comin' over there to open up
a big can of WHUP ASS on you boy!
Git offa my train...
An' watch yo step...
tha's right...tha's right...


  1. man i hate stepping in dog poop about as much as listening to politicians try to make it smell good...i want off the train....just not sure where to jump...

  2. BRIAN: I hear ya...but we're all knee-deep in it now, so just pick a spot 'cause it really doesn't matter.

  3. Sigh. I've been through all of them.

    Terrific post. Let me off in Mayberry, please.

  4. I wonder how much a ticket to Head In The Sandville is these days...... Train travel ain't what it used to be. This is FAB!

  5. THINGY: Barney Fife will be so happy to see you!

    SELMA: Head In The Sandville--I like that. Remember, when you've got your head in the sand and your rear in the air, it's real easy to get kicked in the butt!

  6. "Meanwhile, down at the local TASTY Freez
    some are still as sweet as before"

  7. I'll get off your train ...if you insist ... meow ... :) Love, cat.

  8. EVELYN: Boy Scout's honor. (I was never one of them, but I thought it sounded good.)

    CAT: want you RIDING!

  9. "The same old poop soup"........kiddo, you are SO singing my kinda blues:)My very favorite, of course, is disem-BARK. Hee hee.

  10. Just stopping by to unweave your tapestry. Life would be so boring if everything were idyllic :)

  11. SHERRY: Glad you liked that!

    KOBI KO: Yes, it would, and I wouldn't have anything to write about! Great to see you.

  12. I love visiting here and finding out what life is really like. You certainly know how to tell it like it is.

  13. I have come to really appreciate your style - your eye for the ironies of everyday life and your ability to rap out first class satire in a tireless stream. Truth is comedians would have no material if all the world was just fine.

  14. wonderful romp through the miasma of our disfunction's.

  15. In India and may be in various other countries as well, America still remains a wonderful dreamland of luxury and comfort.we need a few more of these to knock the stuffing out of those illusions.

  16. TERESA: Just the "straight poop," as they say.
    KERRY: I am honored by your comment.
    MARK: And a miasma it is--especially when you get to DOGTOWN!
    ABIN: Thanks for your insight on that. The dreamland here has turned into many restless, tossing and turning nights.

  17. What a train ride it is....this is big smack to all those promises and sad state of the land....though from the perspective of the lesser mortals in the third world like asia and africa, it is still a better place to be ~ Enjoyed your take ~

  18. Thanks for the tour, Timoteo. Promise Land, not to be mistaken for Promised land. LOL! Clever piece and very much enjoyed it. :)

  19. The title and tags are almost as good as the poem, and I'm not talkin about your 78 Monte Carlo, either. That thing about the cop shows is so true--the only way women are ever shown empowered in this country is when they're unrealistically kicking someone's ass. Not that there aren't a lot of ass-pirants to that contest...okay--I'm outa here. Liked it much, Timo.

  20. I had to chuckle! And more than once--satire--irony--love it

  21. so times i laughed out others i felt sad...what a ride..

  22. Seems to me your country is a WHOLE lot like mine! Face it with a grin, friend...I don't think it's getting any better soon...but our poetry should soar! :)

  23. Thanks HEAVEN and RAVENBLACK...great to see you!

    HEDGEWITCH: The women I've known were more likely to aim for something in the front!

    AUDREY, CLAUDIA: Anytime...these rides are free!

    NATASHA: All grist for some kind of story...and you know, dahling, we really should write it.