EVERY DOG

Poetry Potluck--With Real Toads--d'Verse Poets Pub


I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Danica Patrick win a big race
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
The young girl who can't sing have her moment
at the local talent show
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
The Cubs win the pennant (World Series
would be too much to ask)
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE
The guilty guy put one over on Columbo
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
The streaker at the football game
get away scot-free
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
The matador get taken out by the bull

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
A working mother in Detroit
pay a lower tax rate than Mitt Romney
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Charlie Brown really kick the football (just once!)
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Cloris Leachman win Dancing With The Stars
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Stephen Hawking get a lap dance in his wheelchair
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Tiger Woods hold a press conference and announce
that it's his life--and he will screw whomever he pleases
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
The liberation of Paris (with my own eyes)
I WOULD LIKE  TO SEE...
Chaz Bono get a real penis
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Everyone who has truthfully spoken his mind
refuse to apologize to anyone
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
This great cosmic glitch occur as the universe short-circuits-- and for a while
all the percentages are thrown totally out of whack
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE...
Every dog have his day

ANOTHER APRIL

With Real Toads--Poetry Potluck--d'Verse Poets Pub

What is this "growing old gracefully" shit?

Does it mean that you will not bitch
about aches and pains?
Does it mean that you will just smile
when all the young uppities call you "honey,"
when you'd really like to rap them about
the head and shoulders with your cane?
Does it mean that you will no longer be able
to hop on the table 
at the dance
and drop your pants?
And if you did
would they all just snicker
instead of scream?

I like to think of grace
as maintaining my own pace.
Each morning the road is filled
with cars, trucks, motor homes, and bulldozers
gunning past me like I'm standing still
just because I'm doing only
five miles an hour over the speed limit.
If any of them had been on the Titanic,
they'd have learned to chill,
and immerse themselves in the journey,
cuz you're not always going to dig the destination


Another April has come and gone,
and I'm in less of a hurry
to get where I'm going--
more inclined to listen to music
instead of news--
so I'll take some time
to take the long way home,
and when I run out of road
I want the radio to be playing
this same silky sax
as I fade
into the topaz twilight.

A DAY AT THE OFFICE

Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads


d'Verse Poets Pub









I once interviewed a guy
applying for a job
who had a booger clinging to his upper lip


you can prepare all you want
for an interview
and read the advice from all those experts


they tell you to stay calm
they tell you to learn something about the company
they tell you not to be too chatty


nobody tells you to check for boogers


this is a serious flaw in the
advice given out by experts


I felt bad for the guy
but you know
you really can't have people like that
running around the office 


I didn't point it out to him
because we were supposed to send a follow-up letter
to all the applicants who weren't hired
saying although you were not selected at this time
we will keep your resume on file
in the event of future openings


which was bullshit


I knew I would not have to send the letter
because when he got home
and looked in the mirror
he would know the score

Poetry picnic

I 
want 
a

Ubangi 
woman...

Ibangi 
 u  

and

Ubangi 
me

HINDSIGHT

If  I could trade
about half the things 
I've done
for half the things
I haven't done...


things wouldn't have been
as half-assed
as they turned out to be 

MEN OF THE ROAD

Poetry Potluck--With Real Toads

Funny Bunny Fridays--d'Verse Poets Pub

rub-a-dub-dub

three guys in a club
called Boys Town
just across the Mexican line
and I was lookin' so 


fine
when she came over to me
so fresh-faced
in what must have been 
a blonde wig


i tried to read 
her body language
but it was in Spanish
and the only words I 
knew were quanto es?


and


while ultimately 
legal tender
was exchanged 
for counterfeit love
there was something there
that fit like a glove
and she wanted me to spend
the night
with the meter turned off




but


we were men of the road
and it was time to hit it


just outside of town
we spotted a peasant
lying prone in the ditch
drunk
or maybe dead


Jake stopped the car
and went sprinting back there
(thought maybe he was concerned)
but he came trotting back
with the man's hat in hand
and he wore that trophy
all the way to Panama


our code of the road
had been set
though we were still wet
behind the ears
we roared on outta there
lookin' for adventure
in whatever came our way


still eons away
from the day
when the sweet bird of youth
would take a massive crap
on our windshield