THE FRIENDLY SKIES

B.S. makes the world go round. We now know that everyone from presidents on down routinely fabricates the truth, and no one thinks anything of it. We've developed a buyer beware mentality about everything.

Television, of course, is the great lie conduit. Where else can a car dealer tell you one thing to your face, while simultaneously flashing contradictory statements at the bottom of the screen in letters so small that no one without an electron microscope can read it?

Our convoluted sense of ethics says that the fine print absolves us of telling the truth, and the advertiser is counting on a certain percentage of dummies who don't look past the surface. If we had a real truth in advertising law, those commercials that depict people winning at the casinos would also have to show that the seedy-looking nicotine addicts who are blowing their rent checks far outnumber the winners.

And those famous "Be All You Can Be" spots for the military that only mention the educational opportunities would also have to explain that when you sign up, you're relinquishing your right to think for yourself, and may be required to murder people in a third-world country at the whim of some politicians.

But there are no such laws, so is it any wonder that most people think that the government is feeding us a crock of doody about the UFOs? (You knew that I'd get around to this someday, didn't you?)

Now, finally, the truth can be told. (Read the oh-so-small disclaimer at the bottom of this page which states that, for our purposes, "truth" means the same as my opinion.)

In the beginning, the flying saucers were being piloted by authentic, card-carrying space aliens. There WAS a crash at Roswell, and some of the extraterrestrials survived. From them we learned how their technology works. The Air Force, in conjunction with General Motors, produced its own line of saucer-shaped craft. (Planned obsolescence, of course--with new, redesigned models each year. )

The aliens that were flying the friendly skies were gradually driven off by the Air Force pilots, who were like teenagers with learner's permits--it wasn't safe up there. Today, most of the 'UFOs" are ours--many of them developed at that super secret base in Nevada that nobody can get close to. At first, the flyboys were making test runs--now they're up there joyriding just to screw with our heads.

And yes, the government has been abducting its own citizens, beaming then aboard the saucers and conducting medical experiments. It's an easy and diabolical way to do it, because the feds know that everyone will think the victims are crazy when they tell their stories. Ozzy Osbourne has been on some of these flights--and so has Lady Ga Ga...which accounts for the abductees who describe their captors as grotesque looking creatures.

Maybe someday the real aliens will come back, because their original purpose was to help us save ourselves from ourselves...and time is growing short. These guys have been there, and they contemplate us with heavy hearts.

They know we've upset the balance of nature by failing to recognize the other species of this world as our kin--by failing to comprehend that their fate will become our fate. They know that the longer we peer mesmerized into television screens and computer screens, the less we will see.

They know we haven't read the fine print.