CONGRATULATIONS

I once knew a girl

who couldn't tell

her right from her left.

One day she said to me:

If there is TRULY a left

and if there is TRULY a right--

then why does the world

that I see on my right

when I turn to the north

become the world

that's on my left

when I turn to the south?

And I said to her: Congratulations!

You have just discovered

that the world is an illusion.

NEVER FORGET

Iran doesn't know how

to steal an election.

Saying that Ahmadinejad

won by a LANDSLIDE was stupid.

The opposition candidate

had massive support--

and everyone knew that,

at the very least,

the voting would be close.

They should have declared

it too close to call,

and turned it over to their equivalent

of the SUPREME Court--

where the SUPREME leader already knew

the vote would be rigged in his favor--

still denying the will of the people,

but creating the ILLUSION that

justice had been served...

THAT'S how you steal an election.

MODEL BEHAVIOR

Tall and gangly
with full pouty lips
but no hips.

The butt of jokes in middle school
as they towered over most of the boys--
now, here's their revenge.

Strutting in their undies
like God's gift to mankind.

Proclaimed "beautiful" by a handful
of eccentric fashion designers
and themselves.
Dogmatizing a standard
from which there can be no deviation.

But in reality
they are misfits still...
and sexy to whom?

Well, maybe a giraffe.

DIGITAL DESOLATION

Woe is me...woe is me...

The digital revolution

has screwed up my TV.

I hooked up my converter box

I did like they said

But now my local PBS station is dead.

I've scanned and I've re-scanned

And I think it's a sin

Cuz that stinking channel just will not come in.

Come to think about it

Those pledge breaks were long

Something about it just struck me as wrong.

They tried to convince me

I should pay them a fee

When I knew damn well their programming was free.

Yeah, something about that

Whole thing smelled funny

And NOW I'm glad I didn't send them any money!