Tuesday, August 8, 2017
MILO, THE SHIT BIRD
Oh SHIT, man!" said Jerry. "Something just went SPLAT on top o' my head."
Ben looked up. He heard the flutter of wings and a strange otherworldly cackle.
Jerry said, "What the hell was that, man?"
Ben stared at him, deadpan. "I think you've just been hit by Milo, The Shit Bird."
"Milo The Shit Bird...wha-?"
Ben fished around inside his lunch pail to find a paper napkin for Jerry--the glob of excrement perched atop his buddy's hair growing more pungent by the moment. "He's legendary in this neighborhood. I know the people who used to own him. He's a Myna bird...they kept him in a cage most of the time, and he made it clear to them he wasn't happy with that arrangement. Then one day when they were cleaning his cage, he saw his path to freedom. Took off out the front door that had been left partially open. Ever since, folks around here have reported that they've been crapped on out of the blue--literally out of the blue--because he hovers over them and then it's bombs away, like he was the Enola Gay or something."
"Geez," said Jerry, who was a poet. "That's kinda poetic justice. Taking it out on random people. He sees them as the oppressor."
"There's some inspiration for you, Jer," said Ben. "You could immortalize Milo, The Shit Bird in a poem."
"It is poetic when you think about it, man. We keep animals in cages. And because we think that's all right, we put people in cages too. Rather than, you know, trying to heal them."
"Sounds like you want to write about-"
"Man's inhumanity to man."
That's a deep subject, but if anybody can pull it off, you can."
Jerry had just about finished wiping the poo out of his hair when the two of them heard the flutter of wings again in the tree they were perched beneath under the noonday desert sun. And before Jerry could duck out of the way...
Milo, The Shit Bird had struck again. This time the cackling they'd heard before was accompanied by: squawk...ASSHOLE...ASSHOLE...squawk !
"Jesus H. Christ!" Jerry cried. "Why'd he pick on me...TWICE?"
Ben had to stifle a laugh. "He knows your a poet, dude. He knows you're sympathetic to his plight. The only one who could put into words what many of the rest of us are thinking. Poets have started REVOLUTIONS, man!"
Jerry rubbed his stubbled chin, lost in contemplation.
Ben glanced at his watch. "Guess we better be gettin' back to work, and find you some shampoo and a faucet to stick your head under."
"Geez," said Jerry. "That kinda puts into perspective what my real job is..."
Ben closed up his lunch pail and gazed into the vast blue sky--the place where epiphanies that hit you like a water balloon chucked by some nasty middle school kids on a rooftop come from. He started off across the park. He turned back to see Jerry looking pensive and glassy-eyed. "You comin' man? he said.
"Yeah...sure...I'll be along. I just got a lotta shit on my mind."
"Yes, my friend, I CAN SEE THAT!"
"The world will know the saga of Milo, The Shit Bird! First, an epic poem, then a children's book..."
Jerry was prancing around, shouting into the wind. Though just downwind of him was where you really didn't want to be.