Tuesday, September 1, 2015


I remember at age seven or so
sneaking peeks through these girdle catalogs
my mom had around the house
and being slightly titillated
by the models in there.

She was a local rep for some of those companies--
ya know, kinda like the Avon lady,
only she sold girdles.
And back then business was booming.

Yeah, it was all about being the best
you could be,
even if it wasn't the real you.
And girls wore "falsies" too,
which were bras that made you look
bustier than you really were.
And it was all okay because
most of those bouffant beauties
were't going to let it all hang out
with anybody until after the guy
had signed on the dotted line
and then he got what he got
and too bad if he didn't like it.

And then the girdles went the way of the Edsel.
(And if you've ever negotiated a girl
out of a girdle
in the back seat of an Edsel,
then buddy you've got a whopper
of a classic tale to tell!!!)

Yes, the smell of weed and liberation was in the air,
and ladies were only too happy to slip free
of the bonds of their latex booby traps,
though it caused many to have to come to grips
with who and what they really were,
and furious dieting commenced throughout the land.
And some overdid it, and that gave rise to Twiggy,
who ate like a piggy
but brought it all back up again
and that was the rise of the "supermodel."

And now, back to our young boy and his story!

A few years later I discovered what
the primary function for the girdle really was,
on a blind date where she was tucked inside
one of those things (I knew she was in there somewhere)
and she let me touch her up top all I wanted,
but though I tried, there was no way in  hell I could have ever
peeled that second skin off her--it was so tight--
and that was just the way she planned it.

So I don't mind tellin' ya, son,
that in The Battle Of The Sexes,
I was on the front lines!


  1. Ha.. that was one kind of armor, maybe they were just shield-maidens..

    1. Girdles doubled as chastity belts back then!

  2. ... i see u were a guuud lil soldier back then ... so keep soldierin on ... :)

  3. Your poem smiles..can see you had fun writing it!!!

  4. Yes I did...hope you had fun reading it.

  5. Ahhhh, the girdle was a chastity belt? I didn't realize. :)

    1. De facto chastity belt--lol. Guys give up trying to remove it after about an hour!

    2. De facto chastity belt--lol. Guys give up trying to remove it after about an hour!

  6. Thank God I don't have to wear a girdle!

  7. Blast from the past! Enjoyable read :D

    1. Thanks. It's from a past that wasn't such a blast.

  8. Fantastic! Laughed out loud!
    Great title too. Ah.

  9. Thank goodness these things went out of fashion! Can't imagine men ever allowing themselves to be forced to wear such a contraption.

    1. Ha ha...yeah, although I think they had them for men as well.

  10. Men didn't have to put up with this junk - but women did so they could catch a man and be worth something....The picture of the girdle kind of puts me in mind of an udder...just sayin' because sometimes, Woodstock catches up with me. Spencer is Kanzensakura.

  11. LOL thanks for sharing a memoir

    much love...

    1. Where would we be without our memories...dead!

  12. Excellent reminiscing from someone on the front line - which gave me lots to think about. Got me thinking that it might have been damn difficult going to the loo...
    Kind regards
    Anna :o]

    1. I imagine that was true. Ah, the price we pay for vanity.

  13. We now know, from where came... -bungee cords- _m

  14. Oh.. the 'good' old days..
    where the only TITilLations
    found are in a Sears and
    Roebuck catalog..
    now breasts
    are all
    but BUTTs
    are now
    the IN

    1. All the things we used to think of as freaky--big butts...twerking...twerking big butts...are now trendy...but that doesn't mean they are any less freaky--lol