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Tuesday, April 12, 2016

IF



If what were left
of you
was water
instead of dust
I'd drink a little
of you
each day
and piss you out
in the mornings
like dew drops
on the heather
then wait for you
to rise
into the clouds
and  pray
for stormy weather

48 comments:

  1. So poignant, Tim..........I love it.

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  2. Good thing we'll to dust ... otherwise there would be no catnip growing ... meouw ... :)

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  3. haha nice....that is one way to keep them around....that way we could fertilize your day...smiles...

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  4. Says something about me, I guess, that I find this poem most perfectly beautiful. What a brilliant conception, and stylish execution: not a word is out of place. It's going to take a lot to beat this as my fave of the day.

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  5. SHERRY, CAT, BRIAN: Fertilizing my day...I like that concept, since I'm usually knee-deep in sh*t anyway!

    KERRY: I can't remember receiving a lovelier comment than this. Thank you, lovely one.

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  6. Lovely rounding off, Tim! It's a way with relationships that snip a little but loving it dearly!

    Hank

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  7. Funny, and then it makes me think. But then it is back to funny just because "and piss you out / in the mornings" just is not romantic even when the liquid is described as dew! Uniquely rained and drizzled and hoped.

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  8. O I love this creative burst! Even pissing sounds romantic! But that final stormy weather is enigmatic! Another wild ride of pleasure or pain?

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  9. A unique view on grief, but I like it!

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  10. ...grief? hmmm. I'm thinking the word that comes to mind is "obsession". :) Craziest "love" poem I've ever read....

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  11. haha..so good...there are different ways to deal with things...i quite like yours..smiles

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  12. It's good...intriguing, even though "and piss you out" caught me off guard and made me laugh. You followed it through.

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  13. You are such a hopeless romantic.

    Loved it, Timo--still smiling, and will every time I feel a nature poem coming on.

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  14. KAYKUALA, SUSAN, GEMMA: We seem to have a difference of opinion as to whether urinating can be romantic. I think if you do it while reciting love poetry, we could definitely say yes!

    MARGARET: Thank you, dear one. "Craziest love poem I've ever read" is an honor that I shall cherish.

    MARY, CLAUDIA, KRISTINA: So happy to see you here. Feel free to slip into something more comfortable.

    HEDGEWITCH: Ah, you nailed it, my lady. Guess I will always answer to that title.

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  15. This would make pissing in the yard ten times funner that it already is...and its already fun. Hardcore man...hardcore. Loved it.

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  16. Spare, as opposed to short, and just the right mix of the wry and the wistful. An awful lot of good in a small package.

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  17. This slips and slides from tender to profane to sacred. Masterfully done.

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  18. Now this is compelling, either love or hate, or love-hate. Like most relationships. But the dust lingers in the air, so maybe this is more curse than blessing.

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  19. the middle caught me off guard, but I'd be praying for stormy weather as well-- anything to keep the cycle going. there really is nothing better than a good thunderous storm--it echoes the loss. beautiful.

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  20. HEROTOMOST: What else is there to do in the yard?

    W.K., QUOTES, RMP: Much appreciated.

    CHARLES: It's all about love.

    BUDDAH: I like the way you described the progression...right on target.

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  21. This really touched me..I'd drink a little
    of you
    each day....I love your thoughts here. Brilliant!

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  22. hmmm. i really like this.

    i miss poetry. both reading and writing. always loved how you could say so much in such a short piece.

    good stuff!

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  23. This is more romantic than one might think, when one considers the diction.

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    1. Thanks Kerry...as always, insightful comments.

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  24. Ha, a couple of years after my first having read this poem, I have a different take on it. As always, you are a true original. Smiles.

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    1. About four years since this one first appeared, and yes, we do get a different perspective, often times, when revisiting.

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  25. Nice!! I like the way you see it. :)

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  26. Wonderful use of diction here :D

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    1. And thanks for visiting with regularity, Sanaa!

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  27. An original, for sure. Unexpected, for sure. Quirky love poem that I have a feeling will stay with me for a long time.

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    1. Thanks so much, Margaret. You've stated everything that a poet could hope to hear from a reader.

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  28. Oh my goodness I like this, you have it going and coming :-)

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    1. Thanks, Linda...sometimes I don't know which is which!

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  29. Oh how this made me smile, then grimace, then smile anew. This is a modern man's love poem and I adore it.

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    1. That puts a smile on my face (more like a silly grin) too, Raivenne.

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  30. Well that is a unique viewpoint..Love it!

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    Replies
    1. And thank you so much, Susie, for chiming in.

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  31. I think coming back again is what matters.... passion takes any ways it needs.

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  32. Good lord this is a fantastic love poem, Timo. xo

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