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Friday, July 1, 2011

REHAB



Mah woman caught me lookin'
at another gal on the street
mah woman looked right up at me
and said in a voice so sweet:


YA GOTTA GO TO REHAB, REHAB,
YES YOU DO--
REHAB, REHAB,
OR I JUST CANNOT BE WITH YOU!

Rehab, rehab,
it's rehab for me and you--
rehab, rehab.
DON'T ASK--it's just the thing to do!

You'll deal with all those issues
of which your life is fraught
you'll deal with all those issues
you never had till you got caught

You'll have a bunch of counselors
they'll teach you everything
they'll teach you how to think
with something besides your ding-a-ling

Rehab, rehab,
it's rehab for me and you--
rehab, rehab,
DON'T ASK--it's just the thing to do!

You'll meet those famous philanderers
like Tiger and Jesse James
and all those other celebutards
whose lives went down in flames

They've been turned into robots
the kind of guys a gal can trust
they're caring and they're sensitive
and best of all--MONOGAMOUS!

It's the modern day equivalent
of a frontal lobotomy
gotta go to rehab
just to save me from bein' me!

Oops...ah farted...
gotta go to rehab for fartin'
Oops...I drooled right down mah shirt...
gotta go to rehab for droolin'
Oops...didn't use no deodorant...
gotta go to rehab for stinkin'

Now a man is gonna be a man
no matter what they try to say
if it feels good--DO IT--
just don't hurt no one along the way

Rehab, rehab,
it's rehab for me and you
rehab, rehab,
DON'T ASK--it's just the thing to do!
It's the modern day equivalent
of a frontal lobotomy
gotta go to rehab
just to save me from bein' me...
yeah, ah gotta go to rehab
just to save me from bein' me!

32 comments:

  1. 'just don't hurt no one along the way."

    That's it!

    LOL, too funny. (ceptin' fer that line up there)

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  2. Hee hee - I, too, picked "just dont hurt no one along the way" out particularly. Tim????? Are you telling us there is a Romance going on? Hmmmmm?

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  3. THINGY,
    Yeah...indulge your orgiastic desires--just do it responsibly!

    SHERRY,
    You thought a poem about farting was romantic???

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  4. funny - creepy - and everything in between. thanks for the laugh!

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  5. good fun!
    In rehab..they make
    ya shower...burpe'

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  6. __Baher... is the wise man of a my cultish sect; if we follow Baher... we will be excused of all earthly sins! Sounds like the thing to do!
    ............... Duzn-it?
    __Long live Baher! _m

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  7. Excellent. It seems to always give celebrities a clean slate. It's like a reboot for their career. Fuck up? Go to rehab. Come out and be repentant and everyone loves you for being a human who admitted he needed correcting and is now on the straight path (until next month)

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  8. WOW!! You never cease to amaze me :)Too good!!!

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  9. very interesting language you are using here.
    Thanks for the wit and humor shared.

    Happy Potluck.

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  10. ha ha ha ha I second some of these sentiments! :)
    nice, funny piece, happy potluck!

    http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/07/03/the-silent-words/

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  11. He he! Too humourous!
    Thanks for the Sunday evening laughs!

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  12. Such a unique, fun voice. Seems like you could rap this!

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  13. It does seem to be the newest cop out for celebs.

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  14. This is delightful, thank you so much for this laugh!

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  15. Very amusing but sad too because we really do try to change our partners and reform people by basically pumping them full of Novocaine. I don't get how numb and dull is healthy

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  16. Funny and as always very well written, I hate to say this, but I have never met a man who didn't cheat, lie, and act outraged when he's caught

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  17. DOUG,
    And the lemmings said: "It's just the thing to do!"

    SHARON,
    You've hit the nail on the head again--whoops, I just hit my thumb!

    NEVA,
    Nice to see you here again!

    LORRAINE,
    Who...ME???

    SHEILA, GARISH FANTASY, CINDY, JINGLE, LYNNAIMA, ANDY, VICTORIA, BOOGULOO:
    If we can see how disingenuous the whole "bad boy/girl got caught--gotta go to rehab now" thing is, why can't they? Seems like the only one so far is Amy Winehouse!

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  18. It's obviously waaaay too late for rehab for you, bro. Actually, I don't think they do anything there but play golf, drink champagne and eat gourmet food brought to them by scantily clad chicks--otherwise, why would they even go? Then they come out "cured." yeah, I'm so sure...

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  19. dude...if you dont record this it would totally be a shame...guess they have rehab for everything these days...i just may end up there..

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  20. You'll deal with all those issues you never had till you got caught - love that line!

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  21. haha that was one fun piece, yet some deeper meaning behind it. And if you have enough money you can go to country club rehab, where they might care you farted..haha

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  22. Ha..ha... witty and fun. Best line:
    just to save me from bein' me!


    thanks ~

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  23. This tongue in cheek piece certainly makes one think. I also learned a new word: celebutard!

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  24. JOY,
    The silliest thing about rehab is like--in Tiger's case for example--I'm sure they tried to sell him on the idea he had some kind of "disorder" (disorderly conduct?) because he liked to make love to women...har de har har...that's the disorder called BEIN' A GUY!

    BRIAN, DIEDRA, PAT, HEAVEN, POEMBLAZE:
    Country club rehab...yeah, farting is acceptable as long as you pay your yearly dues!

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  25. ELIZABETH,
    I have to credit Stephanie Miller for "celebutard"...I first heard the word on her show.

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  26. If I'm not mistaken there is a rehab for people that go to rehab .. really..

    this was FUN!!!
    (thanks for the submission for "take-it-to-the-street")

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  27. Oh my, you do have a way with your words, don't you? Perhaps we all need to load up in a bus and ship ourselves to rehab. Might be fun for a day or two, lol...

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  28. hahahhahaaaaaaa.... this has had me laughing for minutes, HONESTLY! from one to another (and i can tell just from this poem... we are the same, you and i) with was great.
    hope you visit my site!

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  29. lotta truth in those words..
    rehab is more of a prestige issue thing than anything else these days.. it's the more socially accepted form of lobotomy indeed.. (sigh)
    sad are the ways of this world..

    well written, Tim!

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  30. Thanks for a great laugh today, Tim...and for having the integrity and savvy to comment on my poem, which seems to be avoided by others. xxxj

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  31. @eyoung-- here's a word for you: christotard. xj

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