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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I'M GONNA LOVE YOU

For One Shot Wednesday




I'm gonna love you till...

The stars fall from the skies
Till all the lakes and rivers run dry
Till the eyes roll back inside your head
Till all the Osmond Brothers are dead

I'm gonna love you till...

You're weak in the knees
Till Stephen King stops killing all the trees
Till Madonna bares nothing but her soul
Till Santa stops filling my stocking with coal

I'm gonna love you till...

Justin Bieber is an old fuddy-duddy
Till Dick Cheney stop shooting his hunting buddies
Till Ugly Betty takes off those stupid looking glasses
Till gas prices stop kicking our asses

I'm gonna love you till...

I eat some chocolate covered ants
Till Britney Spears puts on some pants
Till O.J. finds the real killer
Till I have a wet dream about Phyllis Diller

I'm gonna love you till...

All the Hummer owners put the earth ahead of their egos
Till all the guys with beer guts quit wearing speedos
Till Kathy Lee Gifford promises never to sing
Till Pee Wee Herman stops fooling with his thing

I'm gonna love you till...

All the CRAP that's made in China is safe again
Till they get those muhfugging snakes off this plane
Till the Grinch Who Stole Christmas is apprehended
Till all the holes in my BVDs are mended

I'm gonna love you till...

Sarah Palin wins another election
Till I figure out what to do with this four hour erection
Till I start up a band that's called "The Schmucks"
Till health care in America no longer sucks

I'm gonna love you till...

Hillary is back in the White House
Till you spay or neuter your spouse
Till The Blue Man Group looks pretty in pink
Till Glenn Beck stops raising such a stink

I'm gonna love you till...

Donald Trump lives in a one room shack
Till Kirstie Alley skips a snack
Till those greedy bastards extract the last drop of oil from the earth
Till the Octomom stops giving birth

I'm gonna love you till...

Pluto is reinstated as a planet
Till Jimmy Hoffa is found encased in granite
Till Ted Nugent becomes a vegetarian
Till Paris Hilton becomes a great humanitarian

I'm gonna love you till...

Lucy stops screwing with Charlie Brown's head
Till all the starving children are fed
Till The Ghost of Christmas Past comes to bite me on the ass
Till somebody explains to me what the appeal is of Rascal Flatts

I'm gonna love you till...

The men's crapper at the Denver Greyhound bus station gets the doors back on its stalls
Till Lindsay Lohan stops climbing the walls
Till Natalie Holloway is found
Till Simon and Garfunkel are homeward bound

I'm gonna love you till...

Someone decides what's wrong and what's right
Till I don't have to pee in the middle of the night
Till all the wars are fought by politicians
Till the children of the ghetto have decent living conditions

I'm gonna love you till...

We stop insulting seniors by calling them "Honey"
Till they find all of Bernie Madoff's money
Till we understand that borders are only in our minds
Till a man takes a stroll on Mars just to see what he finds
Till the nuclear missiles are removed from their pads
Till babies grow up again with DADS
Till every homeless person has a warm place to sleep
Till an eye-for-an-eye becomes turn the other cheek
Till mercy and justice prevail
Till I get my tax refund check in the mail

I'm gonna love you till I put out the dog and bring in the cat...
Do YOU wanna be loved like that?






42 comments:

  1. Oh this is just so good! Hilarious "till's". I loved every one of them!

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  2. That is terrific. Wild and manic and terrific. I love it.

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  3. hahahaa Tim..that was fantastic read! hilarious./.i totally love it! your sense of humor is mind blowing..CREATIVE one shot..and i am rereading and still smiling big ones..:))

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  4. You're awesome, Timoteo! ROFL Some of those final lines tug at the heartstrings too after all the laughter.

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  5. This is too cute. Made me giggle too.

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  6. haha...love it...had me chuckling right along with your tils...fun one shot!

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  7. 'Till I don't need to change my life
    to sate opinions of how I should see.

    'Till the 'Politicians' truely learn
    what the 'Statesman' should be.

    ...could go onanonanon_!

    Super Tim!

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  8. SHERRY,
    Knowing that most of them are unlikely to come true--I'm safe in saying I'm gonna love you till then!

    BEN,
    I like that assessment!

    DESERT ROSE,
    Happy to please you in any way I can!

    DUSTUS,
    Thanks. Humor and pathos go hand in hand, I believe.

    KB,
    Happy to tickle you, my dear!

    BRIAN,
    Everybody have fun tonight
    Everybody Wang Chung tonight

    MAGYAR,
    You go, dude!

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  9. Fabulously funny! I want to know how long it took you to come up with all this! My ehad is spinning!

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  10. Ted nugent a vegetanian??? That's a Reaally long time. Great One Shot, T.
    Here is my contribution to One Shot this week - The Touch.

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  11. Wow! I didn't know whether to laugh at your great poem or cry for the sadness of your commentary. Excellent!

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  12. Great list Timoteo!
    I love how your poetry is always so much fun.

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  13. Interesting and funny. You did a great job in this piece.

    Cheers!

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  14. Interesting style and time to love...I enjoyed reading it.

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

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  15. wow, such smooth random jockularity. How long did this one take?

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  16. Clever and funny. Great ride and great read. Well done. Gay @beachanny

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  17. "Honey - that was such a nice poem" - that from the check out counter girl

    I laughed my moon off

    nice one shot or did you go for two???

    Ha

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  18. hahaha! i would never miss a chance to laugh...but this is many "shots" in one, Tim, the 'socio-politically romantic' poet :)

    wishes,
    devika

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  19. You must keep everyone around you laughing and filled with smiles...love the Phyllis Diller line....and all the rest too...always a pleasure.....bkm

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  20. Brilliant, wow Tim...now that is a love letter :)

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  21. I'm gonna love this one until the cows come home.

    Very entertaining One Shot, Timoteo!

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  22. i guess she said yes - did she?
    to a love - forever?

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  23. Very fun! And I thought my poem was silly!

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  24. LOL! I love your style of writing. :) I really hope some of those never happen but isn't your point that you will forever.

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  25. SUZICATE,
    This was something that started with a couple of lines, and over a period of days it grew into the basic poem, though I tinkered with it for some time after that. Glad you enjoyed it!

    MONKEY MAN,
    Yeah, ol' Ted--a modern day Neanderthal.

    TERESA,
    Hopefully, you might do both.

    MAUREEN,
    Wherever there's a crevice, I will take a crack at it!

    KKRIGE,
    Gotta have fun...oh YEAH!

    EMMANUEL,
    Thanks...always good to see ya!

    SHASHI,
    I like you're style.

    JERRY,
    Please refer to my reply to SuziCate.

    GAY,
    Thanks for being there!

    MOONDUST,
    I will MOON the check out girl in your name!

    DEVIKA,
    How are you, my dahling?

    BKM,
    The Phyllis Diller line may be the least likely to come true! ;)

    LORRAINE,
    What is romance without passion, my dear?

    ERIC,
    Hey--stay away, you cows!

    CLAUDIA,
    Not yet!

    POEMBLAZE,
    I thought your poem was very intelligent! :)

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  26. This is the freshest ode to love I've read for awhile. And the humor, oh, the humor!!

    I enjoyed the line, "Till all the Osmond Brothers are dead" and the part about Britney Spears wearing pants. Fab!!

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  27. your in for the long haul then!!! this was so original and inventive...really enjoyed this..cheers pete

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  28. I think this means you're going to love forever. This brought a smile.

    You could also have said "I'm gonna love you until the federal government balances the budget."

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  29. Interesting mix of heavy and pop subjects - clever-minded juxtapositions that lend a unique feel to the piece.

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  30. You are so much fun!! and YES I want to be loved like that!

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  31. i would love to be loved like that i gotta say this is as much hummor as it gets that was ammazing. and just what i needed
    thanks this made my day :)

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  32. I'm always gonna love your poetry. Hope you're okay with that ;)

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  33. ha! in a crossfire, avoiding the fire, my dear :)

    wishes,
    devika

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  34. Aw, Tim, I can always count on you to be funny, sweet and thought-provoking all at the same time. But speaking as someone who has had commitment issues, I have to say that forever is a very long time.

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  35. RIVER,
    Thanks...and quit singing that bad rap!

    TERRESA,
    You're sweet...and yes, I've been told that I'm "fresh" before!

    PETE,
    Thanks for being there, dude!

    GLYNN,
    Yeah, we know THAT will never happen!


    STEVE,
    Appreciate your assessment!

    MAMA ZEN,
    But I thought you were already married...

    CINDY,
    Thanks, hope all is well with you.

    R3M3MB3RM3,
    Thanks for checking in, now I know your name AND your number!

    TALON,
    I am truly OK with that :)

    DEVIKA,
    Duck!

    KOBICO,
    I only said I would love you "Till Pluto is reinstated as a planet." There's still a remote possibility of that, so don't worry about forever! :)

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  36. Do I want to be loved like that? For sure!

    Crazy, wild, funny, intellectual, stupendous, tremendous piece.

    I love every line.

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  37. NO dear Tim, FISH in the Water, for now :)

    wishes,
    devika

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  38. This is hilarious and very wise... what a clever way to bring awareness and have fun at the same time :)

    Great work

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  39. KERRY,
    So sweet of you...

    DEVIKA,
    Ha! You got me on that one!

    GABRIELA,
    Thanks, good to see you again.

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  40. love your playfulness,
    your poetry rocks.
    have a beautiful weekend.

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