THE BAG

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

I

Here's the deal
either everything is aware
or nothing is 

Besides me that is

Oh, that's solipsistic...
but not totally
cuz I'll acknowledge you
and only you
as I know you are reading these words
AT THIS VERY MOMENT
(and that makes me psychic)
and it makes us intimately connected

So I just wanna know...
how come you never call??? 

II

I noticed an author advertising her book
as being a "clean romance"
I guess that's one where
nobody gets into anybody's pants
a kind of never ending dance
where everybody goes back home
and takes a cold shower

But real life is dirty
so very down and dirty
and I don't mind you dirty little girls
and boys
as long as you quit
making so damn much noise

III

It's really quite simple
though the philosophers have tried
to make it mysterious

Either you go on
(the part of you that is aware)
or you don't
and therefore no one should be afraid
of non-existence
if it really existed that is
the complete cessation of all

joy
pain
angst
bullshit

would really be quite good
but sorry to inform you
that for that to ever be
then the opposite (you and me)
would have to never have been
don't you see
and it's a bit late for that

The cat
is out of the bag
for ever 
and ever 
and ever
and he's shitting
all over the carpet
as we speak
the sound of the universe
misinterpreted for lo these many eons

It isn't OMMMMM
my friend...
just a cosmic
echoing
MEEEOOOW!

ENTER TO WIN A SIGNED COPY OF MY NEW BOOK: LAST TANGO IN TIMBUKTU

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Last Tango In Timbuktu

by Tim Schaefer

Giveaway ends December 01, 2015.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

DEEP THOUGHT # 17

Imaginary 

garden With Real Toads

FRIENDS DON'T NEED TO BECOME LOVERS

TO CONTINUE BEING FRIENDS

BUT LOVERS NEED TO BECOME FRIENDS

TO CONTINUE BEING LOVERS

ONE MORE DAY

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

In the shower
the soap slipped from my hand
it was a new bar
and heavy
and it struck my toe
and a sharp
intolerable pain
throbbed through that sucker
for 30 seconds or so
along with the sudden epiphany
that what we woefully lack
as a species
is the animal instinct
that might have forewarned me
(not to mention Janet Leigh)
to steer clear of the shower
'stead of standing there
clueless
and letting it happen
(as with most things that happen)
cuz ya know
I'd have been okay
with being dirty for one more day
but we never know
so
we stand there
proverbial lambs off to slaughter
looking like Goofy
at Disneyland
and let it happen

DEEP THOUGHT # 21

So often
the mind has deserted the premises
long before the body
as the body stands there 
robotically mouthing the words
"YES, DEAR"

DEEP THOUGHT # 14

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

I HATE YOU
is a more honest emotion
than
I LOVE YOU
and less subject to change
on a whim

U

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

She says that U owe her
now
in her decrepitude
cuz she carried U
and popped U out
and later on applied the rod
in her blind and righteous way
and U've got the scars
as a badge of honor to prove it

She didn't know nuthin'
'bout raisin' no babies
but then she was a victim
of her old world culture

And now U owe her

I never even met mine
'cept briefly
on that first day

I wonder if she even looked in my eyes
or just said take him away
my fate already sealed beforehand

She didn't owe me a thing
save to hand me off to someone
who would pick up
where she left off

But U owe her
don't U know
for reasons
only the angels can fathom

And U will go
and do your duty

As if there were some conceivable way
this late in the game
to kiss it and make it all well

CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads smage CImaginary redit: Paper Man Toilet Roll Comic Characters Rolled from vector.me (by nicubunu)

- 
He only had time to read
while sitting on the can
stolen moments here and there
for a minute or two...
but one day
when he was really "backed up"
he nearly finished
War And Peace

All things even out in the end