EVERY STINKIN' WORD

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads--d'Verse Poets Pub

Why do they have to put
every STINKIN' word
in the English language
in the dictionary
when
if you know how to read
you already know what
a cat
a table
a tree
a bird
or a turd is
(1. A piece of excrement.
2. A contemptible person.)

It's just a ploy
to sell you something big and fat
at a hefty price
(like a front row ticket to a Wynona concert)

Like that bag of potato chips
that's only half full--
it's sold by weight, you see
but they could have put them
in a smaller bag
if they weren't trying to rook you

Like the half page of fine print
beneath that satellite TV headline:
TWO THOUSAND
FIVE HUNDRED
AND SIXTY-FOUR CHANNELS
FOR ONLY $19.95
sakes alive
you'll spend the rest of the day
 trying to figure out
what you'll really pay

Deception runs rampant

A sad commentary
on our human condition
the profit motive overshadowing  
all sense of decency and fair play
as we shrug our shoulders and say
that's just the way people are

So many turds floating around
in the human gene pool--
there oughta be a sign regularly posted  that says:
"Pool Closed For Cleaning"

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

B.S. makes the world go round. We now know that everyone from presidents on down routinely fabricates the truth, and no one thinks anything of it. We've developed a buyer beware mentality about everything.

Television, of course, is the great lie conduit. Where else can a car dealer tell you one thing to your face, while simultaneously flashing contradictory statements at the bottom of the screen in letters so small that no one without an electron microscope can read it?

Our convoluted sense of ethics says that the fine print absolves us of telling the truth, and the advertiser is counting on a certain percentage of dummies who don't look past the surface. If we had a real truth in advertising law, those commercials that depict people winning at the casinos would also have to show that the seedy-looking nicotine addicts who are blowing their rent checks far outnumber the winners.

And those famous "Be All You Can Be" spots for the military that only mention the educational opportunities would also have to explain that when you sign up, you're relinquishing your right to think for yourself, and may be required to murder people in a third-world country at the whim of some politicians.

But there are no such laws, so is it any wonder that most people think that the government is feeding us a crock of doody about the UFOs? (You knew that I'd get around to this someday, didn't you?)

Now, finally, the truth can be told. (Read the oh-so-small disclaimer at the bottom of this page which states that, for our purposes, "truth" means the same as my opinion.)

In the beginning, the flying saucers were being piloted by authentic, card-carrying space aliens. There WAS a crash at Roswell, and some of the extraterrestrials survived. From them we learned how their technology works. The Air Force, in conjunction with General Motors, produced its own line of saucer-shaped craft. (Planned obsolescence, of course--with new, redesigned models each year. )

The aliens that were flying the friendly skies were gradually driven off by the Air Force pilots, who were like teenagers with learner's permits--it wasn't safe up there. Today, most of the 'UFOs" are ours--many of them developed at that super secret base in Nevada that nobody can get close to. At first, the flyboys were making test runs--now they're up there joyriding just to screw with our heads.

And yes, the government has been abducting its own citizens, beaming then aboard the saucers and conducting medical experiments. It's an easy and diabolical way to do it, because the feds know that everyone will think the victims are crazy when they tell their stories. Ozzy Osbourne has been on some of these flights--and so has Lady Ga Ga...which accounts for the abductees who describe their captors as grotesque looking creatures.

Maybe someday the real aliens will come back, because their original purpose was to help us save ourselves from ourselves...and time is growing short. These guys have been there, and they contemplate us with heavy hearts.

They know we've upset the balance of nature by failing to recognize the other species of this world as our kin--by failing to comprehend that their fate will become our fate. They know that the longer we peer mesmerized into television screens and computer screens, the less we will see.

They know we haven't read the fine print.

THE FINE PRINT

Void where prohibited. Not available in all states.Results may vary. Not to be combined with any other offer. Limited to stock on hand. On approved credit. Not all buyers will qualify. While supplies last. Promotional rate only. Rates double after first 3 months. 2 year contract required. Prices and participation may vary. Shipping and handling charges of $395.00 apply. Tax, license, and doc fees extra.. 20% gratuity automatically charged to your bill. Risk of suicide may be present. Consult your doctor. Stop using if you develop sudden urges to go berserk and massacre scores of innocent people. May cause headache, diarrhea, vomiting, dry mouth, constipation, hiccups, athletes foot, crotch rot, or death. We know you're an idiot because you'll never bother to read any of this. That's how we stay in business. Have a nice day, dickwad.