Tuesday, September 19, 2017


Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads--d'Verse Poets Pub

An oldie but goodie! When I read something from a few years back (that YOU probably haven't seen) and I'm cracking myself up again, I say: This one deserves another turn in the spotlight!


I see...

a home
where the buffalo roam
no more

I see...

a land stained
by the blood
of conquest

I see...

a gypsy palm reader
spitting on your hand--
you spit in her face

I see...

you at the theatre
with your head buried
in your iPhone
for most of the movie
but anyone can see
it's really up your butt

I see...

you incurring substantial debt
for the purchase of material items
that the recipient will neither welcome
nor appreciate
and that is called The Holidays

I see...

You being trampled to death
at a large department store
on Black Friday


Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...
I wore white after Labor Day
it was kind of an off-white
so I thought it might be alright
no one in my ghetto
seemed to care

Such pretense
when our prehensile tails
are not that far removed

don't look back

And now Ladies and gentlewomen
here to sing a medley of his most DEPRESSING hits,
the ever maudlin... JOSH GROBAN!

(song playing)

Announcer: We interrupt this song to bring you a news flash...a young woman, listening to our station, has just jumped off her 16th story balcony!

happy happy
sad sad
the world is bi-polar

(That's north and south, for you geography majors!)

hum dee dum
ya lousy bum


1st man: Hello, my name is Fu Chow.
2nd man: Pleased to meet you. My name is Egg Foo Yong.
1st man: Yes, I have heard of you...people say that you are a good Egg.

And now, the new craze that's sweeping the nation...SAINT VITUS DANCE!

Round and around
and around and around
and around we go

Take your anti-depressants,
but don't forget the increased
risk of suicide...

but hasn't anyone noticed
that's the exact OPPOSITE
of the intended effect?

Looking for the quick fix
has put us in quite a fix

(Spit on the drug addict
while deluding yourself
that your chain smoking
isn't the exact same thing)

You're listening to Radio KSUK...all Josh Groban--ALL the time...that's right, America, we're JOSHING you 24 hours a day!

(song playing)

We interrupt this song to bring you a special news basketball players were charged with killing any hookers today...

And you wonder why
you have A.D.D.
when there's a commercial


every five minutes

Capitalism could have worked
were it not for the
built into the human psyche

So go ahead and anoint
your sports teams
as WORLD champions
when no outside teams participated...

You will always be the Earth
that the sun revolves around
until it draws close enough
to consume you in its fire



  1. __Very sad, the way in which we (aaahem, we?) judge things... .
    ... and among ALL the "ICONS"... those "moral failures," the "fraud speakers," the "Phony Pure," the "child molesters" the "dog fighters," "Steroid Slaves" ... and on and on, and on and on... and on... in:



    __And with all the severe degredations that one can easily find... that surrounds and infests the above... the "_ _ " Commision still wont let Pete Rose into the "Baseball Hall of Fame!?" What "balance?"

  2. You will always be the Earth
    that the sun revolves around
    until it draws close enough
    to consume you in its fire

    enjoyed the ending much, Thanks for linking,
    Happy Poetry Picnic!

  3. Yes, yes YEEEEESSSS. And here I was thinking capitalism would save us from the likes of Josh Groban. How wrong I was. How very wrong....

  4. Oh wow, this is really amazing. Love your clever word play. I wonder at your divisions of 1 and 2, i was sort of looking for a 3... Love the cell phone thing, and the reference to prehensile tails...and so much more. This is a great rant!

  5. damn bro that was freaking was like a three ring circus with a kick in the ass or 17...probably best thing i read this week...

  6. You said it all, and in a quite entertaining manner. Great write!

  7. What a feast of ideas and images-- love the cracks at Brogan-- he really is terrible, sings so imitatively. Also loved the leftover tails-- Personally I love my vestigal____. ! xxxj

  8. remember a few years back when they blasted Barry Manilow tunes to try to drive terrorists out of the Peruvian Embassy...there is a place for Josh Groban as kind of rand, well done

  9. think as a non-american i didn't get all the details but enough to say that it sounds like over here as well... wondering where this will lead us.. the need for MORE MORE MORE
    built into the human psyche.... think we all need to be careful as it's only too real..

  10. Damn! From poop soup I surely never expected that. The world series was a good crack, But there is one Canadian team, maybe American's think that's the world..hahaha Iphone up your butt..haha and those commercial's I agree, they can take them and show them along with all the A.D.D.

  11. I think I liked the most metaphoric part of this best, specifically the stanza beginning "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned", which leaves it to the reader to imagine what all white after Labour Day could mean, with so many possible permutations.

  12. I hate this time of year--you nailed why in much of this, which bleeds over into the entire year, just intensifies and pulses with annoyingly pretty lights in December. The broken up nature of the piece works really well with the alienated, dare I say cranky theme. Everything is a sport any more, or a circus, and politics--let's not even go there.I'd be nervous having my paper delivered by the likes of those wanting to run the country atm.

    (RE: your snarky comment, for which you are always appreciated,--most people can't be bothered with reading them anyway, so WTH. :P And apologies if I sounded patronizing. Sometimes I just get way off into it.)

  13. wow, this was quite the ride...I think my heart rate went up while reading this! Lots of good points in that circus of yours as well

  14. Nice rant of your own, MAGYAR!
    What a GLORY you are, MORNING!
    Well said, THINGY, in your minimalist style. SELMA, you make my day with your wit.
    OTHER MARY--thanks so WHICH Mary are you again?
    Much appreciated, BRIAN, you're too kind...okay, well, maybe not.
    Hey, MARBLES--thanks for rolling my way.
    Heads or tails, I've flipped for you, JEN! CHARLIE PARANT: Just to clarify, I think Groban is a great's just that I've never heard him sing a HAPPY song in my life!

  15. Thanks CLAUDIA...yeah, it's called ADDICTION.

    PAT HATT: Thanks, brother.

    Good insight into that, KATHY.

    HEDGEWITCH: Thanks, mama! There is never any snark in my comments for you...only playfulness!

    Hey, CATY...thanks for dropping by.(And in the immortal words of Maria Muldaur: We won't need no camel, sugar, when I take you for a ride...

  16. The long post depressed me but such is the sad and sorry state of life. I do like your twist on the prayer and the holiday madness...oh well, on with the radio show ~

  17. Isn't it just so freaking fantastic to be part of a civilized society! I celebrate on a daily basis by doing what is expected of me to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly. (Between you and me, I call it whoring myself out...but the civilized folk have a different trade that word's used for) BUT...because I do this on a regular enough basis, I sometimes have a bit of coin left over and I have been able to treat myself to such indulgences as TWO ply toilet paper and brand name meds. I LOVE the Holidaze...especially when the sun is good and close to burn up the trappings ;) Consumerism rocks! (and yes dear friend...I AM being totally sarcastic) Absolutely loved this...

  18. HEAVEN: How can YOU be depressed, if what you are writing about on your blog is real life experience? (Check her out, folks!)

    NATASHA: TWO-ply toilet paper? HARRUMPH ! So you want to lord that over the rest of us one-ply working stiffs who bust our butts to make ends (pun intended) meet! Such elitism!

  19. Timoteo - you slay me, as always. I so love your view of the world and the humorous angst with which you express it. I wish I could write ONE poem like yours!

  20. Isn't it amazing that this post is as relevant today as it was when you wrote it, and I am certainly not expecting any change for the better in the near future. You have hit so many nails on the head with this one.

  21. KERRY: It comes from years of practice where I hit my thumb first!

  22. Loved every freaking word of this, kiddo. Glad to have another look at it, since it's same old, same old, out in the Big World......Rave on, your truth-telling resonates, deeply. LOVE the bit about the world being bi-polar.

  23. I haven't seen this before, as some of the others have, but it's great, Tim. As a Canadian, I've often wondered how Americans could imagine all-American sports produce world champions. Glad you said it. Makes me laugh, one country thinking it's the center of the world, when so many other countries think the same thing.

  24. SHERRY: It originally appeared about two years ago--I figure many of my newer readers haven't seen it, and recycling is good for the planet, you know!

    KAY: We are the proverbial legends in our own minds.

  25. quite a satirical narrative you have written here..humorous if so much wasn't also pathetic..good write

  26. ha. i know that guy whose phone is up his butt...smiles....such pretense when only so far removed from a prehensile tail...ha...yes that....i know i was here before, but still a damn good rip...smiles.

  27. DORIANNA: Thanks, and welcome aboard.

    BRIAN: Thanks for returning to the scene of the rhyme!

  28. Ha- the end is very special! A lot along the way as well! I think capitalism rather depends upon greed rather than being defeated by it - but I agree there is way too much greed too! Agh the size of everything. Thanks so much for the poem and all the commercial breaks. k.

  29. Encore! Encore! No really, I want More MOre MORe MORE for my dime, for my time, enough is just never *cough, cough*-- excuse me, does this include free health care?

  30. iphones can be really strange and reflect wife loves Josh Groban and he started singing to me out of the blue yesterday...random life is always beautiful even if it is not random...?anyway the BroganimeanGroban song wasn't have bad and fairly good..friend in a Groban I guess..and other random musings..smiles...a flow that IS ALL...

  31. Chuckles, great round up, Timo! I could feel the fast pace build-up and subsequently maintained throughout! Nicely!


  32. MANICDAILY: Thanks for checking in. True, capitalism depends upon greed, but greed will eventually be our undoing when our finite resources run out.

    LOVEMORESTUDIO: Ah, there ain't no free lunch--just the very cheap ones at the fast food joints--this is how you get people addicted to unhealthy food--just keep it cheap and plentiful.

    KATE MIA:Ha ha--Josh is single-handedly responsible for more suicides after people have listened to his depressing songs than any other entertainer!

    KAYKUALA: Glad you enjoyed that...and now a word from our sponsor.

  33. reminds me of a Mad magazine bit on ads for toilet paper... because if you don't like the product, stick it up your a** anyways.

  34. Thanks for the reminder as to why I left that shit hole. Appreciated.


  35. GRAPELING: Hahahaha...see Pamela's take below-yours--your comments are related in a twisted sort of way!

    PAMELA: Whoa, that's harsh, but who can blame you...livin' the life south of de border...yeah!

  36. Wow! What an anthem. I'd love to see the read/performed, maybe a whole play based around it. I laughed at Forgive me father I wore white after labor day and thought for a second that I wrote that. I also love 'this mind left intentionally blank.'

    1. Thanks, Colleen. I enjoy learning which parts you liked most.

  37. I found the voice of the radio MC even more scary in this... as if there would be a commercial break... this is the land of the free where you can do everything wrong as long as you consume.

    1. That is kind of the unstated message, isn't it?

    2. Reminds me of "A brave new world" in some aspect.

  38. The Final Inferno is brought to you by Dodge trucks, Doritos and Cialis.

  39. ps--I love that you brought one back for an encore. More people should do that. I think I will!

    1. I think you should too! I like to bring 'em back once in a while after they've sufficiently lapsed into obscurity...the newer "fans" haven't seen it, and the older ones have memory loss, so it's new to them too!

  40. It's been a while since I've been here and Gosh! You really go for it in this piece and with such flair and confidence too. I do admire the ambition in your writing and also of course the light you look to shed on the dear old human condition!