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Tuesday, July 10, 2018

I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS LONG AGO IN HOPES YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN IT AND STILL BE HERE



Online bullying?

when I was comin' up
it was up close
and personal
and in your face
(not Facebook)

one thing it does
when you're on the receiving end
is helps to build character

so develop a hard shell
kids
like that giant tortoise at the zoo
(and shine it with turtle wax)
and have some empathy
for your tormentors
for they are hurting
the same as you

and

consider the source

can't tell you how many times
that has seen me through

never once validated
or took their words
to heart

that's called knowing who you are

never knew anyone
of my generation
(them damn hippies!)
who checked out over it

cuz

there is a place
deep inside
at your very core
where no one can hurt you

find it

it is your strength
and your reserve
and one day
it will lead you
triumphant
into the sun




53 comments:

  1. Good advice...the hippies were too zonked to notice :)

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  2. Aw. I hope you haven't actually lost someone. Love your title, and this poem, and the lesson.

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    1. Thanks a bunch.It was actually written for every teenager I've read or heard about who ended their life because of this.

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  3. I love your title, though it makes me sad about who this might be written for (which is part of its draw.)

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  4. It is good advice to rise above bullying - not always easy to accomplish so such affirmation is important.

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  5. True. One should never succumb to bullying tactics.

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    1. This poem is also my expression of being at a loss to understand what it is about peer pressure and today's youth, as opposed to how we dealt with it back then.

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    2. I think it's a huge problem - because as you've noted: way back in the day, we were FACE2FACE - and had to look people, in the eyes - and read the expressions, and hear the words - and often, we were surrounded by our friends - and there is a huge difference in learning in the moment, what it means to be hurt - or to hurt - to lash back - and to eventually figure out how to deal with it. To resolve the "problem" -
      after all, a bully is someone who is as insecure and afraid and often hurting too - so it's mostly a reactionary outburst ....

      as for why too many kids are "hyper sensitive" today? I was reading a report a few months back (from a group of social scientists) and it was noted that generally speaking - todays kids (from the youngsters through their late teens, into their early 20s) are by far the most "sheltered" and "mollycoddled" group - they are too isolated, too disconnected from actual daily engagements, too protected, the least rebellious group of the past 40 years etc. and are extremely reluctant to assert their own independence and find their sense of self. Anyhow, it was fascinating, yet frightening too.

      but enough about that - peer pressure is peer pressure - it's always existed; it's just that today, we get to hear and know about it on a mass scale; but once again (it seems to me) we're not addressing the true heart of the matter - which is about truly being engaged as social creatures - face to face.

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    3. Good to hear from you...and you are spot on with everything. Sheltered and mollycoddled...could it be that political correctness is fostering a climate in which we are tippy toeing around everyone's feelings, so careful to not say the wrong thing...and thus a generation is being raised where they've never been confronted with how ugly people can really be, and when that ugliness rears its head online (the coward's way of confronting someone if you have a choice between that and saying it to their face) it can literally destroy someone--especially a young person--who hasn't developed the backbone or the thick skin to deal with it. And that's the difference as I see it. Kids are dying to be accepted by their peers, and when they're not, they are literally dying.

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    4. I agree with you. Completely. We're living in this whacked era when we are so "fearful" of offense - giving and receiving - being "polite" as opposed to respectful - and one of the worst aspects is that we are "over-swallowing" - overcompensating and holding back, and then, we simmer and fester and instead of a safe and reasonable means of self-expression, it all becomes a full out eruption - into so much rage, hatred etc.

      And yeah, ugliness has always existed - and it exists, the potential for it, lives within all of us - no exceptions to the rule. But learning how to face this, within ourselves, within others, is a hard truth and fact of life. And I think in some ways, its crazy too - because nurturing someone, helping them learn to "stand tall" and find themselves, to know they are "stronger" or perhaps, more resilient, in the face of these horrible moments in life - and the way people are choosing to help their kids, is part of the problem. It's important to be able to console someone, to encourage them, to show them they don't have to be afraid but it's equally important for us to tell and show them to make peace with their own vulnerabilities too. And of course, the young - well, as you've said, it's never easy when you're trying to figure out who you are, or feel so attacked, but still, it's just shocking how far too many are literally so fragile.

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    5. You made a good point when you mentioned parenting. Where are the parents of these fragile children??? Ultimately, the responsibility lies on their shoulders. I never had any kids, but if I had I would have tried to instill values in them, along with learning how to get along in a rough world. Maybe too many parents are allowing social media to raise their kids. Kid has her head buried in her phone all the time...parent thinks well, she's doing alright...at least she's not bugging me!

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  6. I can understand that it happens... and still recalling the torment of being a teen... somehow everything seemed so much bigger back then

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    1. I know what you are saying. For myself, I think things were smaller back then...I knew that being a teenager was a temporary affliction, and that I would grow out of it :)

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  7. A good message. We used to say "sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me. But I didn't believe that was true.

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    1. We did say that. It was a positive affirmation, at least :)

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  8. I wish this could be all over facebook and that teens could see it.....I LOVE your title, one of the best ever...........you had a strong sense of self - that is the key. I wish all parents knew how to nurture self-worth in our kids before sending them out into the world.......great topic, Timo.

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    1. Thanks once again, Sherry. Unfortunately, social media may be raising a lot of our kids these days.

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  9. there is a place
    deep inside
    at your very core
    where no one can hurt you


    SIGH ~~~

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    1. I'll take that as a thumbs up--lol

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  10. Once upon a time there was Windows Spaces ... \
    a warm and cfing


    No matter how many meous ... one grows ... one way or the other... Love, cat.




    ommI still have 2 friends from that time ...
    the rest is history ...
    c.

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    1. "a warm and efing?" Will have to make my own interpretation of that--lol

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  11. A wonderful poem. How good that you found this wisdom early.

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  12. Bullying? Insults? Face to face or in cyber-space?
    __Accept those insults from they that affront... as complements_! You probably have a skill, a life gift, or an artistic handiness... that spurred that ugly envy of the insulter.

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    1. An astute observation, Doug. The bully senses something about his target that reveals a sensitivity, or an intelligence, or a gift--as you mentioned--about that person that will take him or her far in the world, while the bully feels inadequate and, more likely than not, will not amount to much himself.

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    2. the storm's laugh
      beyond the waterfalls roar
      a quiet river

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  13. You always write your conscience, that is impressive. I do agree learning to cope better and remembering where this stuff comes from is important. But to do that, kids have to be taught it and as you pointed out before, not a lot happening on that front these days. Thee will always be bullies, sad fact.

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    1. I totally agree. What troubles me is the feeling that as we try to prevent everyone's feelings from being hurt in today's society, that kids are no longer battle tested the way we were (or at least the way I was) and when that big hurt does finally come along it can be devastating...and the consequences can be tragic.

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    2. Yup...preach on brotha..that is the truth.

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  14. This is the best advice ever. I wish all teens knew this - that the bullies are hurting the same as they are. Awesome, Tim.

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    1. Thank you Sherry. All acting out is due to someone hurting inside. If kids could only understand that a person's behavior says more about them than it does about you...

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  15. The last stanza is pure gold. You know, when I was a kid, I was the smallest kid in the neighborhood. there were kids who bullied me. My father taught me to box and my grandfather taught me to fight dirty. Years later a lover taught me how to weild a katana. Sometimes you just have to kick the shit out of the tormenters, no matter how much pain they are in.

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    1. And I have been placed in that position...not wanting to kick the shit out of him, but he gave me no choice. So some kicking I did!

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  16. Great advice for bullied kids!

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  17. Wise words for sure! I think most people one way or another experience bullying. I know I did, and it can have a life long affect.

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    1. And the effect isn't going to be the same for everybody. Adversity can be a good teacher and a good character builder, though. As in "what doesn't kill me..."

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  18. I hope your words from the heart help some kids who are going through this.

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    1. Thanks Sara, me too. More likely a parent might be able to pass it along--at least the gist of it.

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  19. Sad and usually motivated from envy.We are a nasty species in the main and it's miraculous that any sensitive gifted person survives at all. I agree, you cannot go into battle without strategies and armour.Children can survive bullying with support and battle practice.Gentle souls must develp warrior traits to survive. Unfortunately life is continuing war unless you are a reclusive poetic type and then it has some very nice moments:)

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  20. I've gotten pretty reclusive, but still have to go out, like to the market, and there are PEOPLE everywhere...you can't turn around without bumping into them! When you get overpopulated you get over regulated...gotta have a new rule or a new law every day to deal with a situation which, if you trace it back, is the result of too many damn people! Am I sounding curmudgeonly enough???

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  21. "consider the source" One of the most important things when it comes to how we relate to people these days. We never know what someone is going through. And even if we are going through a special kind of hell at the same moment, we should try to keep from punching them in the teeth (literally and figuratively) if we can. Because every now and again, all a person needs to keep from breaking is to hear/see that someone else takes the time to be human towards them.

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    1. That is so well stated, Magaly! Thanks.

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  22. __ My reply, my to my thought of April 27th of 2016... still holds, smiles!. _m

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    1. It still holds as being keenly insightful too! Best regards, my friend!

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  23. Be you, be present:

    Totally true, one must not take things personal and they must use their instincts to understand and empathize with the source that is bullying.

    Finding your soul strength and maintaining a chrisp positive outlook with hope for your future and confidence in yourself, can carry you through and out of self torment.

    Believe me it takes strength to uplift yourself out of stress, bullying distress and clamity. Plus, you need friends to confide in to see you through and help you manage through life.

    Too many people feel helpless and make drastic decisions in their pain and hurt. Love seems hard to come by when you feel so alone.

    So, it’s best to reach out and be grateful for all of your friends-near and far. Lifting up the spirits of a long lost friend means the world to them by reminding them that they are truly loved.

    When you feel so disappointed and frustrated with life-pamper yourself, nurture your thoughts with meditational music, a warm bath and journaling with a friend.

    Too many people give up that have promise of a better life with happier life changing results. When you think that it could never get any worse and it keeps getting worse-don’t be so hard on yourself. Find humor in such circumstances and keep safety and health first priority on your daily list. Keep trying, never give up on yourself, find ways to connect, allow love to fill your cup.

    Volouteering can increase your happiness and outlook on life by 35% and you will meet healthier and happier friends. Socializing is important instead of drifting and escaping all through your life.
    ETA

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    1. Thanks for the wisdom! Can't emphasize sense of humor enough...it's what got me through the toughest times.

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  24. After all that I’ve been through, my mother always told me that Despite all the turmoil and pain-I was a happy-go-lucky child.

    It takes a strong loving heart �� for healing ourselves and others.

    I learned how to block out pain and compartmentalize with an attitude of “let it roll off my shoulds like a duck does with water.”

    On top of that with pain and injustices laid down upon you, your body and mind adjusts with an overcompensation of wanting to understand the bully and with that leap-one learns to empathize through compassionate understanding.

    With a lot of self work, eventually forgiveness from both parties and ownership in relation to fault and/or circumstances leads up to the act of bullying. True understanding eventually comes with time, forgiveness and compassionate acceptance.

    Keep the faith in the good of mankind and the powers from within for a better tomorrow!
    ETA❤️

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    1. You've come through so much...an amazing story of resilience that shows just what is possible through the inner strength of which I speak in the poem!

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