Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I get some pretty cool stuff in the mail. As the former president of a non-profit group that is now defunct, I still receive bulletins and brochures from businesses that cater to organizations that may be staging events for the public. The most interesting thing I've received of late is a "SPECIAL EVENT PORTABLE RESTROOM CALCULATOR." NEVER AGAIN will I be at a loss to determine how many portable toilets I will need for my next Super Bowl party! It's all right here in this handy calculator. For example, if I'm staging an event where 500 attendees are expected, (big Super Bowl party) and the time length of the event will be about 5 hours, I will need SIX portable restrooms to serve everyone's needs; however, if ALCOHOL is being served, (and that's a given at a Super Bowl party) I will need SEVEN portable pee palaces to fill the bill.

Isn't that great?

My special event portable restroom calculator takes into account that people have to run to the potty more often when they're drinking. This little device thinks of everything!

Oh, and you'll love this. There's a note that states: The number of restrooms (why do they call
them "restrooms" when they're just mobile outhouses like we used to have down on the farm?) should increase if over 50% of expected attendees are female.

Ladies, let's have your comments on that.

Yes, with my handy portable event restroom calculator, I'm prepared for ANY event drawing up to ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND people. Just so you know, a 5 hour event with that many people requires 691 portable poopers. If alcohol is being served, the number goes up to 781. (Then you gotta figure in how many women you might have and adjust accordingly.)

So the next time you're planning a wedding, birthday party, or a bar mitzvah--no need to make your guests stand (or squat) out behind the house writing their initials in the snow. NO! Just call on me and I'll get my trusty calculator out and give you all the portable privy (cuz I'm privy to it) information you'll need. And I know where to get them.


  1. Didn't we meet over a post about poo and public loos? And now here we are talking about the portable variety. I've got a 50th coming up in about 6 months so I may need to consult you if I decide to have a party.

    PS Have you ever seen the movie Kenny? It's a very funny little flick about a guy called Kenny who installs portable loos at major events. I highly recommend it if you have a warped sense of humour.

  2. I am so impressed by your know-how, resources and particularly your toilet networking, personnally from an aging middle-age woman, man I need one to keep one aside ok. You're the Man! with the toilets! A man worth keeping around...gosh you're so funny lol

  3. KAYDEE (GYPSY!)--
    Yes--we've come full circle, in a sense, on the loo and poo circuit!
    Haven't seen "Kenny," but will look for it. Might be something I'd want to write about on my movie review blog: http//
    Hope you're feeling better soon!

    I'm the man with the, I mean the PLAN. Yeah, I could probably get one of those outhouses customized just for you, with your name on it just below the half moon cut-out on the door. Would you like a one-seater or a two- seater? (Two-seaters are so much more friendly and sociable, don't you think?)

  4. Hmmmm...better a single, I'm anti-social, I don't suppose I'll be more social in a toilet setting!

  5. LOL, you are funny :D

    Have a Happy Day!

  6. What a handy little gadget. They think of everything these days. I can't tell you the number of events I have gone to where there haven't been enough loos and I have ended up going in the bushes.

    I think the number of kids at an event would affect the potty ratio. I went to a New Year's Eve thing in the park last year and four kids under ten locked themselves in the loos (not all at once). It held up production for a while (if you know what I mean). They really needed you there!

  7. Notice anything Tim? That's right, I have gone back to my old name and I am giving you part of the credit. I never should have given it up in the first place ;)

    Yeah, I've always wondered about those it supposed to be so couples can hold hands?

    Glad you like it!

    I stayed at a campsite one time where all the loos had been locked up overnight--for some strange reason--and going in the bushes resulted in mosquito bites in places where I don't normally get them!

    I think and I trust that embracing the name that feels like it's the REAL you can only have positive psychological benefits :)

  9. CINDY,
    That's refreshing...I usually just crack mirrors!

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