I get some pretty cool stuff in the mail. As the former president of a non-profit group that is now defunct, I still receive bulletins and brochures from businesses that cater to organizations that may be staging events for the public. The most interesting thing I've received of late is a "SPECIAL EVENT PORTABLE RESTROOM CALCULATOR." NEVER AGAIN will I be at a loss to determine how many portable toilets I will need for my next Super Bowl party! It's all right here in this handy calculator. For example, if I'm staging an event where 500 attendees are expected, (big Super Bowl party) and the time length of the event will be about 5 hours, I will need SIX portable restrooms to serve everyone's needs; however, if ALCOHOL is being served, (and that's a given at a Super Bowl party) I will need SEVEN portable pee palaces to fill the bill.
Isn't that great?
My special event portable restroom calculator takes into account that people have to run to the potty more often when they're drinking. This little device thinks of everything!
Oh, and you'll love this. There's a note that states: The number of restrooms (why do they call
them "restrooms" when they're just mobile outhouses like we used to have down on the farm?) should increase if over 50% of expected attendees are female.
Ladies, let's have your comments on that.
Yes, with my handy portable event restroom calculator, I'm prepared for ANY event drawing up to ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND people. Just so you know, a 5 hour event with that many people requires 691 portable poopers. If alcohol is being served, the number goes up to 781. (Then you gotta figure in how many women you might have and adjust accordingly.)
So the next time you're planning a wedding, birthday party, or a bar mitzvah--no need to make your guests stand (or squat) out behind the house writing their initials in the snow. NO! Just call on me and I'll get my trusty calculator out and give you all the portable privy (cuz I'm privy to it) information you'll need. And I know where to get them.