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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

ON THE CUSP



Oh how I loathed
Kate Smith
with her black sequined dress
with what must have been 
a really tight girdle
underneath

SCREECHING
When The Moon Comes Over The Mountain
on our little TV 
every day at 4

and that diminutive version of me
seething
I was ready for some damn rock n roll
but we were right on the cusp
and it didn't exist yet

And Ma would say
(through an alcohol-induced haze)
that someday, son, you will see
that love is just the way she sings it
so when you find a girl
a really NICE girl
you will commit to her
and properly channel your lust
but only when she doesn't have a headache
are you getting all this, son?

And I told her Paulie had said that
there weren't any nice girls anymore
and that that was just an act
because they were horny too
and she said go to your room

But I didn't mind because
there were some magazines 
stashed away there
that seemed to show that Paulie 
had a pretty good idea
of  what he was talking about


Saturday, July 20, 2013

EVERY STINKIN' WORD


Why do they have to put
every STINKIN' word
in the English language
in the dictionary
when
if you know how to read
you already know what
a cat
a table
a tree
a bird
or a turd is
(1. A piece of excrement.
2. A contemptible person.)

It's just a ploy
to sell you something big and fat
at a hefty price
(like a front row ticket to a Wynona concert)

Like that bag of potato chips
that's only half full--
it's sold by weight, you see
but they could have put them
in a smaller bag
if they weren't trying to rook you

Like the half page of fine print
beneath that satellite TV headline:
TWO THOUSAND
FIVE HUNDRED
AND SIXTY-FOUR CHANNELS
FOR ONLY $19.95
sakes alive
you'll spend the rest of the day
 trying to figure out
what you'll really pay

Deception runs rampant

A sad commentary
on our human condition
the profit motive overshadowing  
all sense of decency and fair play
as we shrug our shoulders and say
that's just the way people are

So many turds floating around
in the human gene pool--
there oughta be a sign regularly posted  that says:
"Pool Closed For Cleaning"


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

WELL I'LL BE DAMNED...TIMOTEO'S BOOK IS OUT!



HEY KIDS!  My book: Darwin's Moon (A Memoir of Pain and Glory in Poetry and Prose) from ALL CAPS PUBLISHING is now available on Amazon.com  LOOKY HERE.

Or if you can wait a few days, I can send you a personally signed book. Email me a note to: timschaefer41@Gmail.com and we'll get 'er done!

The cost is $9.00, plus a small postage charge.  CHEAP!!!

Cheaper than
a twelve-pack
or
a bottle of wine
both of which
you'll only piss away
and have nothing
to show for
'cept maybe a hangover
but poetry
once you have it
in your hands
is forever!

Please read Marian Kent's review NOW.

Friday, July 12, 2013

POMPEII LOVE



One day
In Pompeii
they were right in the middle of it
rutting like dogs
and then the explosion
the eruption
and not the one that
they were working towards

talk about a buzz kill

hold that pose
forevermore
(page thirty-four
of the Kama Sutra)

Life is about 
keeping it all in perspective
so when your day
suddenly dumps on you
bigtime
you can thank your lucky stars
that at least it's not a day
like that one day
they had in Pompeii 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

THAT SINKING FEELING



icebergs come

in all shapes 

and sizes

they have 

blonde

brunette 

red

or jet black 

hair

and the common 

denominator 

is that 

they are all out 

to sink your dingy